Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.
–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The JAP
Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!
–Hawaii
Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us
Teenage boy #1: I'm gonna grab your nipple.
Teenage boy #2: You better grab my nipple!
–Head of the Fish Regatta, Saratoga Springs, New York
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Matilda
Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!
–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny
Teen girl to friend: If you don't stop, I will punch you in the tits.
–Pacifica, California
Teen girl: He saw some girl’s boobs.
Father: Did you see some girl’s boobs?
Toddler boy: Nooo.
Father: Did you see some girl’s boobs?
Toddler boy: Nooo.
Father: Were they as big as Grandma’s?
Toddler boy: Nooo.
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Overheard by: hc
Girl: I didn’t realize my nipples were dark until I went to sleep-away camp and the girls in my tent were like: “Um. Wow.” I went topless in Jamaica and they were, like, black when I came back.
–Long Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Colleen
Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
Girl on phone with guy friend: You know, my sister just got her tits done for her birthday… I don’t want you fucking her.
–Jones Beach, New York
