Girl #1: What do you say when people ask about me?
Girl #2: “She’s a narcissistic freak.“
Girl #1: What kind of narcissist am I?
Girl #2: (stares blankly)
Girl #1: A pretty oneee.
Girl #2: You want me to lie to you?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Just kidding – you’re not not pretty.
Girl #1: What?!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You’re saying I’m not ugly but I’m not pretty.
Girl #2: You’re in limbo between pretty and ugly, so being mean to me makes you ugly.
–Kure Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Bee
Man to friends: He’s a pyromaniac from way back.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bonnie
Guy to woman: I’m not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I’m not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I’m going to visit mom less often.
–Manhattan Beach, New York
Little boy: Mommy, do you know this?
Mom: What, honey?
Little boy: Do you know this?
Mom: What, honey? I know everything.
Little boy: You’re crazy.
Mom: Yeah, I knew this.
–Provincetown, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Just waiting for a lobster roll
Blonde: What is autism?
Brunette: Are you serious?
Blonde: Isn’t that when you write upside-down?
–Tampa, Florida
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are.
–Lewes Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you
Dude #1: That cloud over the moon looks like the number three! Dude, that is crazy!
Dude #2: Why is that crazy?
Dude #1: Because that was Dale Earnhardt’s number. It’s like he’s speaking to me!
–Nags Head, North Carolina
Overheard by: Gambitgirl
Mom, holding bag of ashes: (whispers)
Girl: Mom, stop talking to dad! It’s creepy.
–Huntington Beach, California
Teenage girl: Rosie O’Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.
–Starbucks, La Jolla, California
Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.
Teenage girl in expensive yoga pants to meek mother: Move to France? Why the hell would I move to France? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say in, like, forever. Stop trying to live your, like, stupid dreams and stuff through me!
–Coffee Shop in the Beach, Toronto, Canadia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
