Four-year-old boy: Wild for penis! Wild for penis! Wild for penis!
–Long Island Beach Club, Long Island, New York
Archive for the ‘Penis’ Category
I’ll Need a Ruler, Some Lotion, and a Box of Tissues
Girl: Check out that guy’s package.
Guy: What?
Girl: Look at the guy in the Speedo.
Guy: No.
Girl: Just look. He’s huge.
Guy: Damn. You’re right. I’m embarrassed now. And I feel a little gay. I’m going to the bathroom.
–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Rob
Trick Question… They’re All Equally Gross Once You Hit Thirty-Five
Teen girl #1: Oh my god, you can see his balls!
Teen girl #2: There’s nothing grosser than dad-balls.
Teen girl #1: Grandpa-balls!
–Stoney, Michigan
Overheard by: Waggies
Ugh, Those Terrorists?
20-something girl, talking about new guy she’s dating: Yeah, he’s kind of indie.
20-something guy: So is his dick dark brown?
20-something girl, after a long pause: Not Indian! Indie!
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Josh M.
And, Hopefully, Back in, and So on, with a Repetitive Motion
Guy #1: Welcome, shrinkage!
Guy #2: My dick is inside my belly.
Guy #1: Yeah, it’s about to poke out of my ass.
–Sea Isle, New Jersey
Overheard by: Didn’t go into the water
Florida Girls Are, Well, Different
Sailor #1, in bathroom: Ew! I saw your dick!
Sailor #2: Ew! You wish!
–Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: disturbed roommate
Pop Quiz: Which Girl Are You?
Tourist girl #1: Wow! Check out the package on that guy!
Tourist girl #2: What? He’s not holding anything.
Tourist girl #1: I meant his dick!
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: Fernanda
Just Breathe a Little Water and We’re Good
Man: Come back in the water with me.
Boy: No. You tried to drown me! You almost killed me!
Man: Well. You shouldn’t have kicked me.
Boy: Kickin’ someone in the ding-dong ain’t gonna kill them.
Man: It might.
–Destin, Florida
…To Go with My Cocoa Butter.
Girl to friend: Can I have some of your penis jelly?
–Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Where Would Human Civilization Be Without That Phrase?
Mom to young child eating a Popsicle: Stop putting that in your mouth! It’s done, there’s nothing left.
Young woman nearby: That’s what he said.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tara
