Little girl, running happily: Mom, dad!
Little boy: Guess what we caught!
Both, in perfect unison: Crabs!
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: the girl who received dirty looks from the parents for laughing
Archive for the ‘Parents’ Category
Bring Me Grandchildren, Then We’ll See
Tween girl to parents: You never listen to me!
Mom: Be quiet, Ashley.
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nicole
Cher Is My Mom — This Fall on Lifetime
Teen girl: My ribs are so big!
Mom: You can blame your father for that.
Dad: Your ribs are fine.
Teen girl: They look like a second set of boobs!
Dad: They look fine.
Mom: You know, you can get surgery to have some of them removed.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Because She’s Already Too Smart For Cornell
Dad: What grows in the marsh, baby?
Little girl: Marshmallows?
Dad, to mom: You want her to go to what college?
–Tybee Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Sullivan
This Old Thing?
Guy wearing “World’s Best Dad” shirt: Hey, honey, where’s Sadie?
Wife: You’re holding Sadie!
–Wakulla Springs, Florida
We Raised Him Free Range
Four-year-old sprays woman with his giant water gun, and doesn’t stop after she warns him repeatedly.
Woman: I’m going to talk to his parents! [Stomps to nearby cafe.] Who is responsible for this child?
Parent: Sorry. What did the little fucker do this time?
–Marmaris Beach, Turkey
Another Great Time-Killer? “Pregnant or Fat?”
Daughter: Sorry I’m late.
Mom: That’s okay. We were playing ‘Tourist or not?’ with the passersby. Look — those two — obviously tourists.
Daughter: Oh, kinda like when I play ‘Jew or not?’ when I get bored.
–Ipanema, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: Jew tourist
Britney and K‑Fed in Five Years
Drunk mother: So, do… When we should send the kids to bed?
Drunk father: Well, the older one can stay up later tonight… What the fuck is that kid’s name…?
Drunk mother: Brianna?
Drunk father: Who the hell…? I mean, Sabrina.
Drunk mother: You’re holding Sabrina.
Drunk father: Cassie! Send the other two to bed in an hour or so, but Cassie can stay up later. [Baby in his arms starts to cry.] Shut the hell up, Cheyenne.
–Beach campground, Mindon, Ontario, Canadia
…Go Play with That Shiny Medical Waste, Becky.
Little girl, getting to beach: Wow, look! Sea shells! I’m gonna find a real one today!
Mom and dad, disinterested: Mm-hmm…
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
