Woman: Can I rent a beach chair?
Lifeguard (just off duty on the last day of the season): Fuck you, dumb cunt.

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Girl #1: Look at that guy's head. It's so weirdly shaped.
Girl #2: Why does it do that at the back? Like, what's with the way it folds at the back?
Girl #1: Oooh, he has some nicely shaped biceps, though! Wow!
Girl #2: Yeah, he makes it obvious by putting his arms up like that to distract from his head.
Girl #1: He's totally doing that.
Girl #2: He's sitting there going, “hey ladies, don't look at my oddly shaped head. Look at my nicely shaped biceps instead.” (pause) Hey, that rhymed.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Rachel

60-something woman: So, you know Susan?
60-something friend: Oh gosh, yes! We've been to all her nude parties!

–Anna Maria Island, Florida

Overheard by: Too much information

Girl: It’s so nice out today. I love natural wind.

–Hilton Head Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Lindsay

Teen boy, to anorexic teen girl #1: Why do you keep your phone in your thong?
Anorexic teen girl #2: Well, where else is she going to put it? She has no boobs.

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sam

Tourist: What a beautiful day! If it were a girl I’d take her home and eat her pussy out all night!

–Nags Head, North Carolina

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?

Little girl walking along shore doesn’t look at him.

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?!

Little girl looks at boy but continues walking.

Little boy: What’s your name?! What’s your naaaaame?!
Mother of girl: It’s Jade.

Mother whispers to girl and points in boy’s direction, but girl continues walking in other direction.

Surfer dude: Yeah, kid, you can only expect more of that as you get older.

–Pomano Beach, Florida

Kid #1: Mama, have you seen the bad guy?
Mom: Not today.
Kid #1: Is he here?
Mom: I don’t think so, no.
Kid #2: Where is he?
Mom: Well, if you don’t look for him, you’re not gonna find him!

–Malibu, California

Overheard by: Jessica B.

Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you’re running out of numbers.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Girl #1 in stall: I think I’m bleeding.
Girl #2 in next stall: Do you have your period?
Girl #1: I dunno. Here, look.
Girl #2: I don’t want to look!
Girl #1: At my foot, dumbass.

–Wawa, Chadwick Beach, New Jersey