Little girl to parents: That octopus has lots of testicles!

–Apollo Bay, Victoria, Australia

Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word?

–Belmar, New Jersey

Old guy on oxygen: So, how many more beers can I have??

–Sandbridge, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike

Annoyingly loud blonde: You did it in the ocean?!

–Olde Angel Inn Pub, Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canadia

40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.

–Pompano Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Nastyasha

Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Shuttle driver over loudspeaker: You can sit anywhere you like, they're all equally uncomfortable.

–Key West, Florida

Guy: Why is there water on the outside of my can?
Girl: I don’t know. I think it has to do with cold.

–Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Overheard by: Kristy

20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up ’cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin’ this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, ‘You can’t be leavin’ change lyin’ around the house!’ But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It’s that mother-daughter thing, you know?

–Palm Beach Shores, Florida

Overheard by: Ethan

Pilot on PA: We’ll be making our final descent to Oahu International Airport shortly.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh my god! I thought we were going to Honolulu!
9-year-old boy nearby: Honolulu is the city on Oahu, you idiot.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh… Well, how am I supposed to know that?

–Plane to Hawaii

Overheard by: Derek