Woman to friends, as they decide where to set up: Let’s look for a part of the beach that isn’t so sandy, y’all!
–Kill Devil Hills, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: R U Serious?
I Gotta Go — tthe Cops Said No More Warnings
Blonde on cell: Yeah, he just called. He’s waiting for me across the street with his pants off.
–48th Street, Newport Beach, California
Because a Watched Sea Never Boils.
Enraptured girl, watching sunset with boyfriend: I just love it when the sun sinks into the sea like this! But I have a question…
Boy: Huh? What?
Girl, turning serious: Why doesn’t the sea boil?
–Kauai, Hawaii
You Think I Didn’t Measure Before I Packed It In?
Teen girl: You have no idea how much sand I have in my vagina.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Chantal
No, ‘Take It Off,’ by The Donnas
Little girl: Mommy, where’s the rest of your bathing suit?
Mother: It’s called a ‘thong,’ honey.
Little girl: Like that song?
Mother: Yes, honey, just like the song.
Little girl hums ‘Thong Song.’
–West Palm Beach, Florida
I’m Not Taking You to the ER If It Bites You Again
Mom to son as he runs off to play: Don’t touch the sand! Don’t touch the sand!
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Jawdropped
But Now That I Have, I Suspect I’m a Genius
Girl: Instead of “fisting” would elephants do “trunking”?
Guy: Wouldn’t that be redundant? You know, trunk… Penis…
Girl: Yeah, maybe trunking is just elephant oral. (pause) That is a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
–Bar Harbor, Maine
With Really Nice Tits
Guy #1: Dude, dude! Tits.
Guy #2: Where?
Guy #1 motions to a topless sunbather.
Guy #2: Dude. That’s a guy.
–Miami, Florida
Dear Mythbusters…
Tattooed, bare-chested male #1: You could definitely walk a dog out here.
Tattooed, bare-chested male #2: You cannot! If you bring a dog onto a hot ass fuckin’ boardwalk, the heat does not escape through his balls or his tongue.
–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Overheard by: SMS
Absolute Motorpower Corrupts Absolutely
Angry old lady in motorchair: Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been all over this side of the lake, on the ferry, to the other side and back across here lookin’ for you!
Bewildered old man in motorchair: I was over there lookin’ for you.
Angry old lady: Whatever! Just come on! [Speeds off.]Bewildered old man, scared: But wait for me!
–Epcot’s International Village, Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: bakerchica
