Moms

Mom to 13-year-old son: What the hell is wrong with you? Were you born this stupid?

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: bonzo

Chubby eight-year-old boy, walking and kicking sand up with his feet: Woah! Ma! Look at this! They've even got real sand here!
Exasperated mom, clutching French fries: No shit! It's real sand! Buying fake sand would be dumb. Everyone would steal it.

–The Bahamas

Overheard by: Fake sand maker

Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.

–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: The JAP

Mom whispering to little boy: Go in the water where nobody can see.

Little boy digs a hole, fills it with water, and pees.

–Vero Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Nick

Black kid: Damn, I lost my pants.
Mom: Word?

–Belmar, New Jersey

Mom, trying to take a photo: Hug your sister or we're going home.

–Boca Raton, Florida

Overheard by: John

Teenage girl: Rob Lowe is ridiculously hot. Hey, did you know he has a sex tape?
Girl's mother: Yes, I did know that because I starred in it with him. And he was good.

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Little girl: Mummy, mummy, look! It’s a shark!
Mum: No, sweetie, that’s Grandpa.

–Caloundra, Australia

Mother: Honey, do you want some cheddar cheese Pringles?
Kid: Sure.
Mother: See, they have zero grams trans fat. That’s really important now.

–Bradley Beach, Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Kayaking girl #1: Mom, where do we go?
Kayaking mom: Oh, why don't we go to the other side of the island?
Kayaking girl #2: No, we can't! I heard they had guns and spears over there–I don't wanna get shot!

–Sugarbay, St. Thomas, South Africa

Overheard by: yams