Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?
–Echo Lake, Maine
Archive for the ‘Maine’ Category
It Was at Once Zesty and Explosive!
Older guy: We had dinner there earlier in the week. I got food poisoning.
Young kayaking guide: Really? Was it good?
–York Beach, Maine
How’d It Get in Your Mouth Again?
Girl: I lost my butthole! Oh, wait, there it is!
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Misaki
But Possibly Guatemalish
WASP girl: I saw three of them, and they all looked the same. I think they were Mexicanese?
–Bar Harbor, Maine
Overheard by: dulcineaesq
Solomon Islands Tourist: Where Did All This Water Come From?
Tourist, about the tide: Where does all the water go?
–Ogunquit Beach, Ogunquit, Maine
Overheard by: C’mon
Wow, Am I Lost
Girl: Excuse me, what lake is this?
Street vendor: The Atlantic one.
–Portland, Maine
She Thinks the War in Iraq Is Just Darling
Woman #1: Oh my goodness, you should see your daughter! It looks like she’s been stabbed; it’s the cutest thing.
Woman #2: Oh, really?
Woman #1: Yes! She’s been eating cherries, and the juice has run all down her front and all over her hands. It looks like she has blood all over her – it’s adorable!
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
Jesus, Bitsy!
Preppy 60-something #1: Now you only owe me 10,463 martinis.
Preppy 60-something #2: Yep, she owes me a bunch, too.
–Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
But Now That I Have, I Suspect I’m a Genius
Girl: Instead of “fisting” would elephants do “trunking”?
Guy: Wouldn’t that be redundant? You know, trunk… Penis…
Girl: Yeah, maybe trunking is just elephant oral. (pause) That is a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
–Bar Harbor, Maine
Winter In Maine Is …Less Than Exciting
Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don’t think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
