Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Archive for the ‘Ladies’ Category
I Am Parko, Almighty Parking Deity. Give Me Your Worldly Goods or Roam the Melting Streets Forever!
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
Will I Be Able To Remember You Afterwards?
Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I’m sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I’m a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it’s good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I’m sure it can’t.
Guy: Well then, how ’bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?
–Nahant Beach, Massachusetts
Mom Rates Them on the Same Scale As Figure-Skating
Lady in vehicle on cell: I mean, she wants to know everything, and it’s really getting annoying, I’m like “mom, Jesus Christ, hey, I took a shit today, you want to know if it floated or if it sank?”
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Elise
Story Of My Life, Ma’am.
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven’t gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
I’m Under the Sun.….Now
Women on cell walking down a 2‑mile beach: I am right by the water. Where are you?
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Antzolino
Better, I Suppose, Than ‘Her Boobs Were Kind of Saggy So She Just Tucked Them Into Her Shorts.’
Woman: Her shorts were kinda baggy so she just tucked them under her boobs.
–Warren Dunes, Michigan
Overheard by: Syd O’Banion
Shut Your Legs a Little and Your Odds Might Improve
Woman on beach towel: I’ve never met a ferret that didn’t bite me.
–Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: Laura From Aurora
I Hear that’s Why Hemingway Stayed for So Long
Elderly lady: Come now, y’all! Key West is gonna be loads of fun! They gots the Ripley’s and Cuban people!
–Lido deck, The Carnival Glory, Key West
Overheard by: y’all need an icepack on dat thang?
Last Summer She Tried to Get Hawaii to Come About
Woman: Excuse me, is that Catalina?
Man: No, Catalina is over there.
Woman: Oh, well, what island is that?
Man: Um, that’s a ship.
–Palos Verdes, California
