Kids

Little boy: That’s a man’s weak spot!
Father: I don’t care how old he is. If I were you, even if he were 18, I’d punch him!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: em-elia

Boy being changed on changing table (babbling): Bama amma bama.
Mother: Obama Obama Obama.

–Restroom, Royal Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Penelope

Little girl, no longer waist-deep in ocean: Mommy, smell my finger.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Little girl: The Navy’s the one with the boats, right?
Mom: I think so. Let’s ask that guy over there.

–Naval Academy, Annapolis, Maryland

Little girl, getting to beach: Wow, look! Sea shells! I'm gonna find a real one today!
Mom and dad, disinterested: Mm-hmm…

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Kid #1: They put pears in my room. Did they put pears in your room?
Kid #2: Yeah, but they were horrible. They tasted like chocolate.
Kid #3: Do you mean they tasted like chalk?
Kid #2: Yeah.
Kid #1: Wait, how do you know what chalk tastes like?

–British Virgin Islands

Overheard by: A chocolate pear would be nice

Mom, while burying her four-year-old son in the sand: Yo, did you hear what he just said? He said “don't pat too hard or my balls will explode!”

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: That's why I'm scared to have kids

Little girl: If a pig spits in your eye, you'll get the flu.

–Takapuna Beach, Auckland, New Zealand

Four-year-old camper: Do you got a car?
14-year-old counselor: Uh, I can’t drive.
Four-year-old camper: So does your mom bring you here?!
14-year-old counselor: Yeah. I mean, I live in El Cerrito.
Four-year-old camper: But does that mean you live with your mom or something? Aren’t you in college?!
14-year-old counselor: Well, the truth is my license was revoked after I ran over those aliens. The FBI was angry because they needed to talk to them about the plans for the United States embassy on Mars, but it has to be kept hush-hush since the North Koreans may be on to them.
Four-year-old camper: Ohhh…

–California

Little girl staring at a plastic bag washing up on the beach: Ewww! Don’t let that touch me!
Mom: Don’t worry, honey. It can’t hurt you. It’s just a Jersey jellyfish.

–Union Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Brian