Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I’m gonna say I’m 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I’m saying 17.
Boy #3: I’m so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Beach Comber
Archive for the ‘Illinois’ Category
Coulda Hung a Porch Swing Off It
(built dude in super-tight white spandex shorts roller blades past a group of hipsters on bicycles)
Biking ironic hipster to girlfriend: Woah. Did you just see that sweet penis?
–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Kara Lang
Just Gazing Out into the Horizon of My Navel Hair…
Girlfriend: Some of my favorite times are lying on the beach with my head in your lap.
Boyfriend: Yeah, a lot of my favorite times involve your head in my crotch, too.
–The Point, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Greg P
I Want to Be Loved for the Real Fake Me
Teen boy #1: I think those girls look 14.
Teen boy #2: No, dude, they gotta be 16.
Teen boy #1: I am telling them I am 20.
Teen boy #2: I am 17.
Teen boy #1: No, dude, you got to use your fake age.
Teen boy #2: Man, that’s why you got game.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Jinx
It Was Like He Punched the Snooze Button of My Biological Clock
Early 30s woman: I was feeling bad, like I wasn’t on schedule or something. Then I saw who she was marrying and I didn’t feel so bad.
–Lake Michigan, Illinois
Overheard by: Midwest Values
Then Again, the Cystic Acne and Pom-Pom Barrettes Already Do the Job Pretty Well
Tween at fireworks display: Oh my god! We could, like, write ‘Fourth of July’ all over our legs, and that would get people to notice us!
–Evanston, Illinois
Overheard by: Sean
Come on, Mary, He Follows You Everywhere Just Like that Damn Lamb Did!
Dude to girlfriend buying him lunch: You know, you could be bangin’ if you’d just lose that fat ass!
–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Believing Otherwise, the Chickens Had Sent Him a Stinging Letter
Hippie guy: I’m not against chickens!!…Look, I’m not against chickens.
–North Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Schwab
