Idiots

Guy: Why is there water on the outside of my can?
Girl: I don’t know. I think it has to do with cold.

–Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Overheard by: Kristy

20-something trailer park chick: This one time I was napping, and I just let the baby crawl around the house. I woke up ’cause I felt this tug on the blankets, and I look down and she was makin’ this choking sound! So I beat on her back, right, and this penny came out. When my husband came home I was like, ‘You can’t be leavin’ change lyin’ around the house!’ But, you know, I just knew something was wrong. Just the way she was tugging on my blankets and that sound she was making, I just knew. It’s that mother-daughter thing, you know?

–Palm Beach Shores, Florida

Overheard by: Ethan

Woman pointing to fishing pier: Where did that bridge used to lead to?

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Lifeguard

Teen girl #1: Hey, you can have some of my Coke if you want.
Teen girl #2: Yeah, thanks [sips]. Ugh, it has ice. I’m allergic to ice.
Dude: Oh my god, really? You’re allergic to ice?!

–Sydney, Australia

Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.

–Laguna Beach, California

Texan: Yo! Dude, the waves are so huge! I just broke my longboard in two an’ almost got killed… that was awesome!

–Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic

Chick #1: Why does that hurt your arms but nowhere else?
Chick #2: I dunno. It just does. I have weak arms.
Chick #1: I think you have leukemia…Don’t laugh! Leukemia is a horrible disease!

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Dude: I don’t have an STD… But I want one!

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Overheard by: katie

Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?

–San Francisco, California

Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: K