Guy to pal: Dude, I am pissed. When we were at your mom’s house the other night, she didn’t even give me a taco. That is horse shit. My mom always gives you a taco.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Archive for the ‘Idiots’ Category
…According to That Cosmo Quiz
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
There Are So Few Drinking Songs
American #1: This local song, ‘Cachaca,’ is weird. Isn’t that the same word that they use for that booze? That’s like having a song just called, like, ‘Tequila’ or something.
American #2: … There is a song called ‘Tequila.’ It was in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure.
–Salvador, Brazil
Overheard by: E. Vill. Genius
Ooo, Ashes Of Dead Mouseketeers. Luxurious!
Idiot dad: You know they import all this sand from Florida, that’s why it’s so soft.
Idiot son: Yeah, I’ve heard that too.
–Newcomb Hollow Beach, Wellfleet, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Alana Geary
Einstein: Now This Is Relativity!
American beach-goer #1: I wonder if the people here have trouble understanding us sometimes.
American beach-goer #2: Why would they?
American beach-goer #1: Because of our accents.
American beach-goer #2: But we don’t have accents.
–Edinburgh, Scotland
Will I Be Able To Remember You Afterwards?
Guy: Hey, beautiful ladies! My name is Sean. I run a company that increases the number of hits your website gets on search engines. I’m sure I could help you in your line of work What do you do?
Woman: I’m a neurosurgeon.
Guy: Hey, it’s good to see that even a brain surgeon has time to head out to the beach. Let me show you how my company can help you get more business.
Woman: I’m sure it can’t.
Guy: Well then, how ’bout I just give you my number?
Woman: How about I just give you a lobotomy?
–Nahant Beach, Massachusetts
Does Anyone?
Excessively tan man: I don’t trust SPF 14 anyway.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Jo
Yet We Can’t Seem to Keep You Off Our Island
American tourist, to black islander carving a sculpture from a log: You people are so talented!
–Straw Market, Nassau, Bahamas
Overheard by: Dumbfounded Tourist
First Tell Me What You Think a Beach Is
Tourist standing on beach: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the beach is?
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Shannon
Americans Think the Right to Be Stupid Is an Obligation
19-year-old boy: I want to make a shirt that says “Keep Allah out of downtown New York” and wear it to Ground Zero.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Couldn’t Agree More
