Archive for the ‘Hair’ Category

Dear God, What Have I Done?

Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn’t that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That’s “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it’s a scalp… you’re both idiots! (laughs hysterically)

–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Sugardoll

No, Our Mics Picked That Up Fine

Fat guy to wife who’s sunbathing on her stomach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it louder, asshole.

–Rosemary Beach, Florida

Overheard by: She’s still hotter than you, pal

Dude, I Think She’s Advertising!

Preteen boy #1, whispering to pal: Dude! Look at that girl lying over there. Her bikini’s pulled up so tight it’s up in her snatch.
Preteen boy #2, whispering back: Quiet… Damn!
Preteen boy #1: What’s that sticking out?
Preteen boy #2: I think it’s hair, dude.
Preteen boy #1: They got hair down there?
[they high-five each other]Preteen boy #1: It’s kind of gross and cool at the same time.

–Padre Island, Texas