So God Does Play Dice With the Universe!

Girl: He gets so tan!
Guy: I tell you, you look at his hand and you’d think that man was black!
Girl: You know, his mom’s husband is black. That’s why we tease him about that so much.
Guy: Really? His step-dad is black?
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Wouldn’t you be pissed?
Girl: Yeah, well, his mom treats him like shit anyway.

Brief pause.

Girl: I’m rethinking the doctor thing.
Guy: Really?
Girl: Yeah, surgeon or oncologist or whatever I become. I wouldn’t be able to have a family.

–Rehoboth, Delaware

Overheard by: kristen

You Know about That?

Guy to pal: Dude, I am pissed. When we were at your mom’s house the other night, she didn’t even give me a taco. That is horse shit. My mom always gives you a taco.

–Belmar, New Jersey

Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth

Woman in red dress to friend: I ain’t get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!

–Coney Island, New York

Another Round of ‘Two Truths and a Lie’

Jersey girl: I never understood the Jersey Shore — the water is dirty and the streets are trashy.
Dude: Just like the girls here, dirty and trashy.
Jersey girl: Yeah, but at least we have good hair.

–Ocean Grove, New Jersey

But Isn’t Urine Sterile?

Girl: Can you tell me why you’re pissing on the sand?
Guy: We’re in Jersey.
Girl: Yeah, so?
Guy: Jersey’s dirty. It’s your duty as an American to fuckin’ keep it that way, bitch.

–Merivale Avenue, Beach Haven, New Jersey

Overheard by: Snow White

And I’m Totally Upset That Our Video Debuts on SmutLady.Com Tonight

Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!

–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia

If the Rest of It Exhibits the Same Level of Creativity, Then No

Dude #1: You know, that guy we call Ass.
Dude #2: You call the guy Ass? Why?
Dude #1: Because he smells like ass. Do you want to hear the rest of my story or not?

–Plum Island, Massachusetts

What About the Facial You Can Just Wipe Off?

Tan chick: But if we go to the spa, I don’t want them to facial my tan away!

–Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts

Overheard by: hb

Sniffling, Leroy Cut the Cards

Seven-year-old boy: Dad! Dad! Dad! It’s time to go back to the room. I need to put on underwear — I’m starting to chafe!
Dad: Good for you. Now go back out there and deal [continues smoking his cigar].

–21^st Street Beach, Ocean City, Maryland

So All I Need Is a Tan

Fat girl, to friend: That tan girl looks better in my bikini than I do.
Random guy walking by: Yeah, she does.

–Traverse City, Michigan

Overheard by: Cari

Overheard At The Beach

Archive for the ‘Gripes’ Category