Man: One small monkey bread, please.
Girl: What’s a monkey bread?
Man: I have no idea.
–Monkey Bread Café, Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kristin
Archive for the ‘Food’ Category
And They’ll Fight Your Enemies to the Death
Teenage girl #1: Yeah, my dad’s getting re-married this summer.
Teenage girl #2: Omigod, my dad just got one of those Filipino mail order brides, and let me tell you, they make the best egg rolls ever.
–Nassau, Bahamas
Overheard by: Spring Break wooooo!
There Are No Poisonous Cows, Mom
Little boy pointing to portabella mushroom: Mommy, what’s that?
Tired mother: It’s a mushroom. Someday I’m going to make you a hamburger for dinner, but instead of meat, it’s going to have one of those mushrooms in it.
Little boy looking back at mushroom, terrified: Why would you do that?!
–Beachside Produce Plus, Melbourne Beach, Florida
Of Course He Liked His Raw and Smeared on Strippers…
Drunk woman at bar: I mean, we had so much in common, you know? He liked red meat, I liked red meat… It was a good relationship.
–Long Beach, California
Given the Creatures With Whom I’ve Been Cohabitating
Girl to friend: I’ve been so tired and hungry lately.
Friend: Maybe you’re pregnant.
Girl: That’s not funny at all. I’m not pro-abortion or anything, but I’d have to terminate that quick.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Brittany
Mirrors, Mostly
Drunk girl: Wow, those cookies are sooo big! How do they do that?
–Highway 98 East, Destin, Florida
Overheard by: restaurant bitch
Have You Donated Money to War-Torn Soy Sauce Yet?
Asian guy: We should get some fish and chips.
Asian girl: Ooh, I love tartar sauce. It’s my favorite continent.
Asian guy: What?
–Steveston Pier, Richmond, British Columbia
And Resigning From Your Fan Club
50-something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50-something woman: Well, I don’t want the key lime pie, that’s fifth on a list of five options.
20-something woman #1: Well, why don’t we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50-something woman: I want everyone to eat what I’m eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20-something woman #2: Oh my god. I’m leaving.
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Audrey
…According to That Cosmo Quiz
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
I May Never Go Home Again
Young male Australian tourist on cell: We’ve already been to a service station and a McDonald’s, which is different.
–Rotorua, New Zealand
Overheard by: exactly how different to McDonald’s in Australia?
