Drunks

Drunk white guy: Girl, I love you. You remind me of my friends from Philly!
Sober black girl: Why? Cause I'm black?
Drunk white guy: Yes. (pause) I felt you deserved an honest answer!

–Port Hueneme, California

Overheard by: honesty is the best policy

Drunk man: [Bumps into girl and puts his hand around her to move her aside.] Sorry.
Girl: Eww! You’re dirty!
Drunk man: C’mon, you know you like it!
Girl: Eww! [Drunk man walks away.] Call me!!

–Manhattan Beach, California

Overheard by: Snoog

Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, now I know what you mean about hooking up on a beach.
Drunk girl #2: What?
Drunk girl #1: The sand…it gets everywhere!
Drunk girl #2: Oh yeah, it is like all in my hair and my purse.
Drunk girl #1: No… I mean *everywhere*.
Drunk girl #2: What?
(pause)
Drunk girl #1: I have sand in my vagina!

–Naples, Florida

Drunk guy: She’s done more blow than it snowed last year!

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Audrey

Dad to buddy’s tween daughter: Susie*, can you get me another beer from the cooler?
Susie: Wow, Jerry, you’re an alcoholic.
Dad’s own tween daughter: My dad is not an alcoholic, he just drinks fast!

–Long Island, New York

Drunk girl: I can't believe you called me a bitch and told me not to touch your brothers.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Mr. Awsome

Drunk dude: Seal! Come drink with us!

–Nantucket, Massachusetts

Drunk hobo to group of gay guys: That's why I love South Beach. It's gay, gay, gay!

–Lincoln Road, Florida

Overheard by: David

Drunken man, hitting on woman: Your eyes melt the elastic band in my swim trunks!

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Overheard by: Tanning @ The beach

Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I'd totally stick drugs and shit up there!

–Lavalette, New Jersey

Overheard by: I have one, but I don't