Drunk college student, spilling wine on herself: Oh great. Now I’m wet all over!
Drunk college boy nearby: What! Who said that!?
–Gold Coast, Australia
Drunk college student, spilling wine on herself: Oh great. Now I’m wet all over!
Drunk college boy nearby: What! Who said that!?
–Gold Coast, Australia
Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.
–Santander, Spain
Overheard by: Murray
Drunk woman at bar: I mean, we had so much in common, you know? He liked red meat, I liked red meat… It was a good relationship.
–Long Beach, California
Drunk girl, rolling around in large puddle: It’s a bird bath! Get in!
Angry guy: Get the fuck out of the puddle! You’re not a goddamn bird!
–Bayard Avenue, Dewey Beach, Delaware
Drunk girl: Wow, those cookies are sooo big! How do they do that?
–Highway 98 East, Destin, Florida
Overheard by: restaurant bitch
Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I’ve been drinking all day, but you’re the one that doesn’t got their shit together!
–Huntington Beach, California
Skinny drunk girl with dense philosophy textbook: I like peeing when necessary, I like peeing when unnecessary. Whenever, wherever. As long as I get arrested for it, that’s all I ask. Is that too much to ask?
–Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: Jericho
Drunk dude: I like mescaline for breakfast, because then all day you see all kinds of different shit.
–Pacific Beach, California
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #2: Ice cold water, beer! Aaargh!
Beach vendor #1: Yo, we need wigs.
Beach vendor #2: Next time I’m wearing a pirate costume, don’t get it twisted.
Beach vendor #1: Ice cold corona, aargh!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Drunk girl: I think I am sexually attracted to fire.
Sober girl: Yeah…let me know how that goes.
Drunk girl: It burns, but I gotta admit I love the smell of burning pubic hair in the morning.
–Gold Coast, Australia
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist