Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.
–Santander, Spain
Overheard by: Murray
Archive for the ‘Drinking’ Category
I Keep All Mine in My Pants
Drunk guy yelling in hallway: I know I’ve been drinking all day, but you’re the one that doesn’t got their shit together!
–Huntington Beach, California
…According to That Cosmo Quiz
Over-tanned lady to beach bum eating plum: I would rather drink shower water than eat unwashed fruit.
–Ala Moana Center, Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jade Buddha
Certainly Leaves a Sour Taste in My Mouth
Woman in red dress to friend: I ain’t get none of my lemonade! They drank it up like savages!
–Coney Island, New York
Portrait of the Stenographer as a Young Girl
Young teen girl: Hey, Mom, Dad told me to ask you, and I’m quoting him, to ‘Please leave a couple of drinks for him before your fat ass hogs them all.’
Mom: Tell your father that he had better be nicer to me or else I’m going to leave his ass for a sexy Latin man named Esteban… again. And you can quote me on that!
–Del Mar, California
Overheard by: Jess the Pirate
Priorities, Ashley.
Girl #1: Our table looks lonely.
Girl #2: Why cause we have no friends?
Girl #1: No. Cause we have no drinks!
–Cuba
Overheard by: kiki
The Fire Alarm? Really?
Father at table with whole family, after female scream is heard: Wow, that sounds like my wife’s orgasm. I’m hammered!
–Catalina Island, California
The Last Guy Who Had Her Was a Bit Rough
Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She’s not working today.
–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Anyone Else Feeling a Strange Nostalgia for The Golden Girls?
Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There’s no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.
–Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield
You’re Thinking Of Middle School, Debbie
Spring breaker bimbette #1, about ordering drinks: And get Coco Rico, and Sex on the Beach…
Spring breaker bimbette #2, interrupting: Wait, isn’t there also something called Sex in the Basement?
–Tamarindo, Costa Rica
Overheard by: one of them spoke decent Spanish, at least
