Fat girl, to friend: That tan girl looks better in my bikini than I do.
Random guy walking by: Yeah, she does.
–Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Cari
Archive for the ‘Diet and Weight’ Category
Shelby Went Kayaking With the Prince of Darkness and Had a Comparatively Lovely Time
Mother, loudly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daughter: What! What’s on me?!
Mother: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on vacation here. You shouldn’t be stress-eating!
Teen daughter: Mom! Shut up! People can hear you.
Mother: No, no one is listening, and besides, they can all see it, too.
Kayaking instructor: Does everyone have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are going to pair up with someone you don’t know.
Daughter: Thank God!
Mother: What?
–Bayville, New Jersey
If the Potential Margin of Error Is More Than 20 Lbs, She Isn’t Cute
Carnie kid: Yo, my friend over there thinks you’re cute.
Girl: Uh… okay.
Carnie kid: He wants to guess your weight.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: carnie lover
You Can Call It “Baby Weight” Until the Baby Leaves for College
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy’s tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
It’s French for “Goes Directly to Your Thighs”
Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can’t have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?
–Huntington Beach, California
You’d Still Have a Hard Time Scoring
Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.
–San Francisco, California
Overheard by: so not PC
The Obesity Epidemic is Starting Younger and Younger, You Know
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
You Mean While You Were Out Spreading Herpes?
Girl to friend in hot-pants: What have you been doing besides looking fat in those shorts all day?
–Lake Michigan
Nothing Worse Than a Black Forest Caca
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
You Know How That Is, Mom.
Ten year old boy, flipping over on towel: Man, I’m sweating like a fat chick!
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: Robin M. StPierre
