Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.
–Pacific Beach, California
Fat girl, to friend: That tan girl looks better in my bikini than I do.
Random guy walking by: Yeah, she does.
–Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Cari
Mother, loudly: Oh my God, get over here! Turn around!
Teen daughter: What! What’s on me?!
Mother: A stretch mark! That’s what! Right there on your hip! You have got to lay off the chips! We are on vacation here. You shouldn’t be stress-eating!
Teen daughter: Mom! Shut up! People can hear you.
Mother: No, no one is listening, and besides, they can all see it, too.
Kayaking instructor: Does everyone have their life vests on? Good now I’d like you all to pair up, and for this first run we are going to pair up with someone you don’t know.
Daughter: Thank God!
Mother: What?
–Bayville, New Jersey
Carnie kid: Yo, my friend over there thinks you’re cute.
Girl: Uh… okay.
Carnie kid: He wants to guess your weight.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: carnie lover
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy’s tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can’t have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?
–Huntington Beach, California
Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.
–San Francisco, California
Overheard by: so not PC
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
Girl to friend in hot-pants: What have you been doing besides looking fat in those shorts all day?
–Lake Michigan
Kid, skateboarding in parking lot next door: I think those gummy worms gave me diarrhea.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Jen
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
