Father: Okay okay okay, let’s go now.
Tween daughter #1: Why? We have company! Can’t we stay?
Father: I have no coverage here. I have calls to make. I have to work. No work, no play, no food, no house, no fun, no beach, no vacation.
Tween daughter #2: No beach?
Father: How do you think this beach got here? My hard work.
–Nauset Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: amazed observer
Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I’ve got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!
–The Hamptons, New York
Man to wife and daughter: Hey! I’ve shat my pants before and it really wasn’t that bad, so I’d be willing to do it again.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Little girl: What does that sign mean?
Father: That means ‘Pedestrians,’ sweetie.
Little girl: Are we pedestrians?
Father: Yes, we are.
Little girl: Oh… I thought we were Catholics.
–Beach near Amsterdam, North Holland, Netherlands
Overheard by: Daan
Little boy: Dad, what’s the navy?
Dad: It’s the army, but with boats.
–South Haven, Michigan
Little girl: Why is the ghost still here?
Dad: She just likes to come back and say hi from the spirit world.
Little girl: But why does she throw books?
Dad: She doesn’t throw books, she just likes to read. And she’s a little drunk.
–Hotel Del Coronado, San Diego, California
Father pointing to ocean: Hey, John, look at the dolphins! [Seven-year-old boy looks around, not seeing them.] You’re missing them! You’re missing them like you miss everything! You’re just like your mother!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Got to remember that for when I am a parent
Dad to misbehaving child: Do you want chocolate or a slap?
–Nantasket Beach, Massachusetts
Mother with accent, talking to grown son: David, blow up the raft!
David: No! Make dad do it!
Dad: You’re younger. You have more air in your lungs.
Sister: Dave, just blow up the raft.
David: No!
Mother: Son, shut up and finish the blow job.
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: anna
Father: No, you can’t go in there. There’s a bar, and it’s over 21.
Little boy standing in front of café stares at father.
Father: Quick, get away from the door before you set off the alarm!
–Duck, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
