19-year-old boy: I want to make a shirt that says “Keep Allah out of downtown New York” and wear it to Ground Zero.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Couldn’t Agree More
Archive for the ‘Crazies’ Category
If Nominated I Will Not Run, If Elected I Will Not Serve
Crazy lady: I told you, I don’t want to be the goddamn queen of Russia.
–Haystack Rock, Oregon
Overheard by: Luke
She Thinks the War in Iraq Is Just Darling
Woman #1: Oh my goodness, you should see your daughter! It looks like she’s been stabbed; it’s the cutest thing.
Woman #2: Oh, really?
Woman #1: Yes! She’s been eating cherries, and the juice has run all down her front and all over her hands. It looks like she has blood all over her – it’s adorable!
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: shawshank
This Is What Happens When We Don’t Bring the Electric Collar
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are.
–Lewes Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you
Faster Than a Golden Calf. Stronger Than All 12 Plagues…
“Jews for Jesus” guy: You like Superman? Take this pamphlet. Read it with all your friends. It will be story time!
Hands out pamphlet that metaphorically describes Jesus as Superman.
Girl: I didn’t realize Jews worshipped Superman.
–Jones Beach, New York
Why There Should Be a Wall Around New Jersey
Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Dan
Looks Like a Stand-off
Crazy bag lady: I’m Ozzy’s mommy!
Queer: No, you’re not! You’re a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag!
–St. Petersburg, Florida
I’m 97% Certain Richard Simmons Was Born by a Massive Gay Orgy
Meth-adict-looking girl: I was born by a massive gay orgy.
Friend: I wish I was born by something…
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Zach
