Clothed guy: Hey, got any change?
Nude guy, waving his hands in the air: I got no pockets!
–Wreck Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Archive for the ‘Canadia’ Category
But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly
Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Actually, She Sold Me for a Much Better Camera Than That
Spanish teen: Yo, mami, how ’bout I take a picture of me and you with that camera?
Preppy chick: How ’bout you’re not touching my camera?
Spanish teen: Oh, ouch! I’ll let you hold my phone. It’s worth lots!
Preppy chick: This camera is probably worth more than you are to your own mother.
–Bayfront Beach, Hamilton, Ontario, Canadia
The Obesity Epidemic is Starting Younger and Younger, You Know
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
My Bikini Is Dissolving
Woman on beach: Ah, I didn’t come to the beach to get wet! It’s getting in my hair, on my shoes. Where are the car keys?
–Port Elgin, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Linz
Mommy Told Her All about the Postman When She was Seven
Guy #1: Nice tie.
Guy #2: Yeah, I got it from a relative.
Little girl: No, you didn’t, Daddy. You got it from me.
–White Rock Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: Dan-Mission, B.C.
But Only at First
Short girl: I would make a really awkward stripper.
Taller girl: Ummm… What?
Short girl: No, seriously! Like, think about it — if I was up there stripping, I would be like half the size of all the other girls… My head would be in the same spot as their, you know… And that’s awkward.
–Bayfront, Hamilton, Ontario, Canadia
Mr. Britannica Grew Weary Of the Expectations the World Placed on Him
Little boy: Why is that woman walking faster than us?
Grandfather (frustrated): I have no explanation for this!
–Sauble Beach, Canadia
Overheard by: Totally walking faster than them
‘Brokeback Mountain’ Filled Him with Doubt
Guy trying to park his car: Honey, am I straight? Am I straight?
Wife: I damned well hope so.
–Grand Beach, Manitoba, Canadia
Overheard by: Shalamar
If I Do You, Will You Be Nice to Me?
Girl: So, out of all the people in this circle, who have you been sexually involved with?
Queer: Does pecking count?
Girl: Yes.
Queer points at everyone.
Girl 1: You man-whore! So, if pecking doesn’t count, who have you done anything with?
Queer: Everyone except her.
Girl: So you’re still a whore.
–Centennial Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: shutterbug
