Stoner girl to another: Man, I just sent her a text saying that we’re there, because I figure by the time we get there we’ll be there.
–Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, Canadia
Archive for the ‘Canadia’ Category
A Cool Guy Would Play with His Daughter
Little girl: Daddy! Guess what I am supposed to be!
Dad: You are a crab.
Little girl: Right! Okay, Daddy, now it’s your turn.
Dad sits there, talking to his wife.
Little girl: Daddy! You are supposed to be something!
Dad: I am. I am being a cool guy.
–Horseshoe Bay Ferry Terminal, Vancouver, Canadia
We Should Have Brought at Least Three Rolls of TP!
Small boy to friend while riding their bikes: So, are you on your second pair of underwear yet?
–Pinery Provincial Park, Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: debbie
’80s: Seriously, Though
Chubby twink: The ’80s called, they want their lipstick back.
Chick in black with bright red lipstick: Your boyfriend called, he thinks you’re fat.
Chubby twink runs off crying, chick in black lights a smoke.
–Witty’s Lagoon, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: sleepless
Wait, I Just Saw You Buy a Lemonade With a 10… Bend Over
Clothed guy: Hey, got any change?
Nude guy, waving his hands in the air: I got no pockets!
–Wreck Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly
Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Actually, She Sold Me for a Much Better Camera Than That
Spanish teen: Yo, mami, how ’bout I take a picture of me and you with that camera?
Preppy chick: How ’bout you’re not touching my camera?
Spanish teen: Oh, ouch! I’ll let you hold my phone. It’s worth lots!
Preppy chick: This camera is probably worth more than you are to your own mother.
–Bayfront Beach, Hamilton, Ontario, Canadia
The Obesity Epidemic is Starting Younger and Younger, You Know
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
My Bikini Is Dissolving
Woman on beach: Ah, I didn’t come to the beach to get wet! It’s getting in my hair, on my shoes. Where are the car keys?
–Port Elgin, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Linz
Mommy Told Her All about the Postman When She was Seven
Guy #1: Nice tie.
Guy #2: Yeah, I got it from a relative.
Little girl: No, you didn’t, Daddy. You got it from me.
–White Rock Beach, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: Dan-Mission, B.C.
