Nice Goiter

Cute girl walking down the boardwalk: I’ve been stared at seven times already!
Random guy walking past: Eight.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: bonzo

’80s: Seriously, Though

Chubby twink: The ’80s called, they want their lipstick back.
Chick in black with bright red lipstick: Your boyfriend called, he thinks you’re fat. 

Chubby twink runs off crying, chick in black lights a smoke.

–Witty’s Lagoon, British Columbia, Canadia

Overheard by: sleepless

There Were Pictures of Some Fat Chick on Her Myspace, but She’s Thin, So It’s Cool

Chick #1: I can’t put these pictures on MySpace! I look fat!
Chick #2: I’ll put them on MySpace. I’m a skinny bitch.

–Jones Beach, New York

That Makes Sense; I Never Jerk Off on Bad Hair Days

Man: Get rid of your mustache, and then worry about the Brazilian.
Woman: Get some hair on your head, and then go fuck yourself.

–Jersey Shore, New Jersey

Overheard by: Mike

…Since She Has a Baby in Her Belly.

Girl on beach to group of friends: My college roommate worked at Hooters, she’s nice but she’s a slut-and-a-half!

–Brighton Beach, New York

It’s a Cry for Attention

Goth girl #1: So, the stupid cam won’t fucking stop following me.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: And I can’t adjust it or anything.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: So it’s really fucking–
Goth girl #2: –[Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: Would you fucking stop it?!

–Venice Beach, California

Oaky, with Overtones of Fruit and Tobacco

Chick #1 disappears into bedroom with dude.

Chick #2: Go ahead, bitch, suck his dick. It’s sandy and it tastes like me.

–Beach Haven, New Jersey

Tonight’s Movie: When Harry Punched Sally

Boy: I think what you just said is racism.
Biotech: I’ll give you racism, you black bitch.

–Williamstown, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal

How You Know a Baby’s Too Old to Be Breast-feeding

Teen girl to friend: If you don’t stop, I will punch you in the tits.

–Pacifica, California