Customer: Can I have a Stella [Artois]?
Bartender: Ermm… She’s not working today.
–Pool Bar, Ayia Napa, Cyprus
Archive for the ‘Baristas’ Category
Omagah, Except for Now!
Blond waitress to patron: I’m like one of those, you know. The kind that don’t make mistakes.
–Santa Monica Pier, Santa Monica, California
Lucky He Didn’t Order a Sex on the Beach
Tourist guy: Can I get a banana daiquiri with dark rum?
Dominican Bartender: Sí.
Tourist guy receives a banana daiquiri in one glass and another full of dark rum.
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Devon
Introducing, the Most Cerebral Blonde at Manasquan
Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40-something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I’m sorry ma’m, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat-free milk!
Brunette 40-something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the same shit.
Blonde 40-something friend: It is?
–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Beach Bum
These Government Plants Are Getting More and More Believable
Serbian waiter: Card?
Tourist ordering drinks: You’re going to card me!? C’mon, I left my card in the State room.
Serbian waiter: Card you? In Prague I work in bar next to high school, no I’m not going to carding! I need your payment card.
–Carnival Cruise, Ensenada, Mexico
I’ll Just Throw a Virgin Into the Volcano, Ma’am
Woman at outdoor restaurant, to waiter: Could you please turn down the air conditioning? I’m cold.
–Waikiki, Hawaii
Everybody Talks About Social Darwinism, but Only the Spanish Do It
American law student girl: So, you know, in Spain, why is there a beeping sound when the traffic signals change?
English barman: That’s so that blind people know when the traffic has stopped.
American law student girl: Oh my god! You let blind people drive?
–Marbella, Spain
Overheard by: the future of justice…
Let Him Ride (the Waves) on Me?
Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.
–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The JAP
Why Does This Restaurant Hate Freedom?
Waitress: Do you want cheddar, mozzarella, or Swiss on your burger?
Customer: Um… American?
–The Purple Parrot, Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Hollywood
Jimmy Hoffa’s Body?
Woman in large family group, to waitress: What else is in crab meat?
–Seafood House, Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: Pass the Old Bay, please.
