Archive for 2019

Guess How I'd Shift Gears

Guy #1: Okay, dude — if you could, which one of us would you sleep with?
Queer, looking back and forth, then staring at Guy #2: I have been dreaming of sitting on your face and using your ears as bicycle pedals…
Guy #2: Uh… What?

–Papas and Beer, Ensenada, Mexico

Overheard by: Alcaeus

The Ice Loves Coco Episode You Won't Want to Miss

Boyfriend and girlfriend arguing at beach:
Short chunky girlfriend: "look at that blonde bitch over there with the big boobs. Those are the fakest things I've ever seen."
Boyfriend: "maybe you should hit the gym more."
Girlfriend: "fuck you!" (punches his arm, yelling).
Boyfriend: "well maybe you should. Or you could go on the cocaine diet?"
Girlfriend: "yeah so I can be a crackwhore?"
Boyfriend: "crackwhores are sexy."
Girlfriend: "what the fuck is wrong with you jackass?"
Boyfriend: "so what? I like fucking skinny bitches. Buy some blow already and stop eating."

–Malibu, CA