Archive for 2019

I Thought Gulf Was a Gasoline

Teen #1: … And then I got, like, swept out into the Pacific! It was so scary!
Teen #2: Don’t you mean the Atlantic?
Teen #1: Oh, yeah.
Teen #3: You guys are retards. That’s the Gulf of Mexico!
Teens #1 and #2: Ohhh.

–St. Simons Island, Georgia

Overheard by: just out for a walk

You're Thinking of Golf Courses

Lady #1: You can take that dog on board?
Lady #2: Sure, but he has to be small enough to fit under the seat in front of you. And you have to pay 75 dollars for each leg.
Lady #1: 75 dollars for each leg of the dog?!

–Tampa airport, Florida

Belinda Calls 'em As She Sees 'em

Guy standing in front of store: I can't believe it! That little girl just said “asshole”! I can't believe it! (gestures at two-year-old inside parked car)
Little girl: Asshole!
Guy: I can't believe it that little girl said “asshole” again!
Mother: Ni-iiice.

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: ISPgypsy

You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…

Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Mary