Archive for July, 2019

And because She's Your Sister

Drunk law student, down on one knee: Will you marry me?
Drunk girl he just met, giggling: Of course!
Drunk law student to friend five minutes later: That’s not binding if it’s just oral, right?

–Daytona Beach, Florida

And Started Wearing Prada Loafers

Girl #1: So…plans for tonight?
Girl #2: Yeah, actually. I'm going out with Beto. He just moved to Niterói with his boyfriend.
Girl #1: Wait. What? His *boyfriend*? So he finally came out, eh?
Girl #2: Well…he didn't come out per se. He just said, “So, this is my boyfriend, Bruno.”

–Ipanema Beach, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Hippies: We've Been Trying to Tell You!

Chick #1: So like, I shaved my legs and then went to this party and there was this toootally hot guy there, but he didn’t want to hook up with me.
Chick #2: Well, I have this theory that you only get action when your legs are hairy.

–The Hamptons, New York

Guess How I'd Shift Gears

Guy #1: Okay, dude — if you could, which one of us would you sleep with?
Queer, looking back and forth, then staring at Guy #2: I have been dreaming of sitting on your face and using your ears as bicycle pedals…
Guy #2: Uh… What?

–Papas and Beer, Ensenada, Mexico

Overheard by: Alcaeus