Archive for 2018

Her Vulvar Ring Is from Tiffany's

Girl #1: So, I was thinking about taking a picture of my yoo-hoo and framing it for my boyfriend this Christmas. Opinions?
Girl #2: I think you’re the classiest individual I’ve ever encountered.
Girl #1: You’re too kind.

–Waikiki beach, Honolulu, Hawaii

My Cancer Never Forgets Me

Southern belle: If I had gotten on that boat, I would have met the man of my dreams. We would have had an amazing time and I would have fallen madly in love. Then I'd go back to Arkansas and he'd forget about me, just like all the rest of them.
Friend: Yeah… Need a smoke?
Southern belle: Yes! Do you have menthol? I love menthol.

–Fort Myers Beach, Florida

Snow White Began to Regret Choosing Grumpy Over the Prince

Husband: There are always thieves on the beach.
Wife: Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine up my ass?
Husband: Well, there are.
Wife: You are just a ray of fucking sunshine up my ass! All day (imitating husband) “I can’t smoke here, I can’t drink here, there are thieves on the beach.”

–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Penny Lane