Archive for 2015

It's a Cry for Attention

Goth girl #1: So, the stupid cam won’t fucking stop following me.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: And I can’t adjust it or anything.
Goth girl #2: [Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: So it’s really fucking–
Goth girl #2: –[Hiccuping.]Goth girl #1: Would you fucking stop it?!

–Venice Beach, California

There Are No Poisonous Cows, Mom

Little boy pointing to portabella mushroom: Mommy, what’s that?
Tired mother: It’s a mushroom. Someday I’m going to make you a hamburger for dinner, but instead of meat, it’s going to have one of those mushrooms in it.
Little boy looking back at mushroom, terrified: Why would you do that?!

–Beachside Produce Plus, Melbourne Beach, Florida

Dolphin: I Prefer Cetecean-Australian, Thanks

Dude: When I was in Florida, there was a dolphin in the water about five feet from me. I never ran so fast in my life.
Chick: Why?
Dude: When something big and black surfaces next to you in the water, you generally start to shit your pants.

–North Burleigh Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Galina

Because a Jury Of My Peers Said I Had Nothing to Do with That.

Guy trying to pick up girl: Hey you wanna go out tonight?
Girl being picked up: No.
Guy trying to pick up girl: Why not? You married?
Girl being picked up: No.
Guy trying to pick up girl: Oh, is it because of that natalie halloway shit? Omg too funny. Who brings that up when trying to pick up chicks??

–Panama City Beach