Archive for September, 2015

If Only There weren't Such a Grueling Application Process

Chick: Do you guys live here?
Guy #1: Yep, right over there.
Chick: And what about you?
Guy #2: No, I don’t live here.
Chick: Where do you live?
Guy #2: Everywhere. I’m a hobo.
Chick: No, you’re not.
Guy #2: Yes, I’m a hobo. I sleep on the beach, and I eat out of trash cans. I’m a hobo.
Chick: I want to be a hobo.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: Supercharger

Or Even If He Didn't

JAP #1: Okay, seriously, he is the hottest senior ever.
JAP #2: Hah, yeah he is.
JAP #1: Like, you don’t understand — I would fuck his toe if he asked me to.

–Boca Beach Club, Boca Raton, Florida

Overheard by: lilly

But Has Fewer Carbs

Chick #1: My dog won’t eat its food unless we mix cottage cheese in it.
Chick #2: Ew, cottage cheese is disgusting.
Chick #1: Yeah, I hear it looks like a yeast infection.

–Hilton Head, South Carolina

Dear God, What Have I Done?

Father to daughter, while mother brushes hair: Doesn't that hurt?
Daughter: Nope, I have a strong scallop.
Father: What does that mean? Your head is not made of vegetables!
Mother: What? Vegetables? That's “scallions,” you idiot! And your head is not a scallop, it's a scalp… you're both idiots! (laughs hysterically)

–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Sugardoll