Chubby middle-aged woman to her male friend: First thing I’m going to do is lose a lot of weight, then I’m gonna get a chemical peel…
–Smith Point, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: geo
Archive for the ‘Women’ Category
I’m Looking to Upgrade
Woman walker #1: I would never go out with him–his head is huge, his clothes are always wrinkled, and he doesn’t shower.
Woman walker #2: Ugh.
Woman walker #1: Besides, he smokes.
Woman walker #2: But you smoke, too!
Woman walker #1: I know, but I never date smokers.
–Lake Miramar, California
Overheard by: El Meech
What about That Guy Standing behind You Right Now Licking Your Asshole?
Woman #1: I haven’t had sex in three years.
Woman #2: But what about your friend?
Woman #1: He doesn’t count, because I don’t enjoy it.
–Brittany Beach, France
Fictional Fucking Is So Much Neater Than the Real Thing
Old woman #1: So did you get that dirty book I was talking about?
Old woman #2: No, I couldn’t find it. They don’t sell them at Barnes and Noble. I have to look on Amazon.
Old woman #1: The one I read is really graphic. This girl is this room, watching two people doing it.
Old woman #2: Yeah, I’m saving some of them to read on the plane ride.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: caySAYhey
…Which Was Not Very Ladylike.
Woman sitting at beach with friends: I saw a ladybug in my salad and I ate that shit! It was giving me the finger…
–Riis Beach, New York
…As Confucius Once Asked.
Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
I Think They Even Did Splits!
Large lady in elevator to another: The kids brought back this DVD, they said it was PG-13… Well they started it up and it was raunchy! It had cheerleaders in it and god knows what else.
–Majestic Beach Towers, Panama City Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Heading to Blockbusters to find that DVD!
This Is What Happens When We Don’t Bring the Electric Collar
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, running as fast as he can across sand, screaming like a maniac: Molly! Molly! Molly!(entire beach crowd stares)
Man, finding Molly sitting quietly: Oh, there you are.
–Lewes Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: maybe next time, take Molly with you
No, Let’s Talk More about the Cheese
Woman: Where are you from?
Twelve-year-old boy: Minnesota.
Woman: Oh, yeah, you have really good cheese there.
Boy: Ummmm…
Woman: Oh, wait. No. That’s Wisconsin. They have really good cheese.
Boy: Yeah. They do. But I’m from Minnesota.
–Virginia Beach
Drinking Vacations Can Be Fun, Too
Tan woman: Did you pack a swimsuit?
Pale woman: Yes, I always do.
Tan woman: So you’ll go to the beach?
Pale woman: I have packed the same suit for my last five summer vacations, it still has the tags on it. What do you think the odds are?
–Emerald Isle Ferry, Michigan
Overheard by: i’m surrounded by water, isn’t that enough
