Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category

Hap­pens Every Time She Watch­es The O’Reil­ly Fac­tor

Quick-walk­ing woman leav­ing voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have nev­er want­ed to chop some­one’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down ly­ing piece of shit, and I hope he fuck­ing dies. I mean, a fuck­ing trac­tor-trail­er could run his fuck­ing sono­fabitch ass over and I would be per­fect­ly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myr­tle Beach, South Car­oli­na

Plus, That Species Of Drag­on Has a Much Short­er Wingspan

Col­lege girl to col­lege guys carv­ing drag­on in the sand: Ugh! What is wrong with you?! Drag­ons do not have such mus­cu­lar arms!
Col­lege guy: Ours does!
Col­lege girl: I am torn: do I con­tin­ue ar­gu­ing about tiny drag­on arms as if drag­ons are re­al or move on to mock­ing you for giv­ing your drag­on the bi­ceps you wish you had?

–Vir­ginia Beach, Vir­ginia