Three-year-old girl with strong Southern accent: I am gonna get tattoos all over myself.
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: james
Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category
Also What God Was Going for
Young boy, sitting in water and throwing wet sand around: I’m going to bury the beach in sand!
–Patricia Beach, Manitoba, Canadia
Overheard by: think I can say
Which Threw Off Our Whole System of Coded Gestures
20-something girl #1: So, she’s pregnant?
20-something girl #2: No, I just didn’t want to sit by the soda machine.
–Warren Dunes, Michigan
…So the Cast Of the Real World Is Out.
Guy: We need servers who are nice, polite, legal, and will pass a drug test.
–Miami, Florida
Yes, Just Keep It Away from My Nipples
Dude #1: That girl is hot!
Dude #2: I’d like to duct tape her to a chair!
Dude #2’s girlfriend: You’re into that?
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
But I Resisted the Urge to Put My Nose on Him
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Magnifying an Image by 100x Totally Counteracts the Effects Of Shrinkage
Chubby, bald man to female friends: They should really put mirrors on the beach, facing out towards the water, so you can watch yourself in the ocean… No, not mirrors, JumboTrons! I would love to watch myself on a giant tv while I swim!
–Kure Beach, North Carolina
This Year’s Celebrity Apprentice Really Lacks Focus
Girl: So, I’ve finally decided what I want to do in life. I’m done with modeling. I am going to create a product, and sell it for charity.
Guy: Oh, that’s cool. What’s the charity?
Girl: I haven’t decided yet. I’m still working on it.
Guy: Oh, okay.
Girl: I need to decide on the product too.
–Miami Beach, Florida
Is It My Turn to Talk?
Old fisherman: Don’t be tanglin’ your lines up with mine, son!
Younger fisherman: You want a beer?
Old fisherman: I saw a UFO fly right under that bridge one time.
Younger fisherman: You need a haircut.
–Creaky Dock, Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
The Perils Of Early Childhood Exposure to Pinky and the Brain
Girl #1: Seriously, what are we going to do?
Girl #2: Take over the world?
–Boynton Beach, Florida
