Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category

I Am Parko, Almighty Park­ing De­ity. Give Me Your World­ly Goods or Roam the Melt­ing Streets For­ev­er!

Park­ing lot at­ten­dant: Thir­ty dol­lars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dol­lars.
Park­ing lot at­ten­dant: I should be charg­ing you the same amount as it is de­grees out­side. I should be charg­ing you like nine­ty three dol­lars.

–Hamp­ton Beach, New Hamp­shire

Over­heard by: arc, mich

If Gilli­gan Could Have a Co­conut Ra­dio, Any­thing’s Pos­si­ble

Chub­by man, kick­ing around the sand: Hey, have you guys seen a set of keys over here?
Asian girl: Um. No. Sor­ry.
Chub­by man: Shit. I must have buried the car keys in the sand on ac­ci­dent. My wife’s gonna kill me.
Asian girl: I haven’t seen any keys, un­for­tu­nate­ly.
Chub­by man: Hey, do you think the beach has a Lost and Found box any­where?

–Big Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Over­heard by: Re­spon­si­ble Tourist

And Re­sign­ing From Your Fan Club

50-some­thing woman: I want the tiramisu for my birth­day cake!
Hus­band: Well, the restau­rant says they on­ly have in­di­vid­ual por­tions, not a big thing. That would be ex­pen­sive for eleven peo­ple.
50-some­thing woman: Well, I don’t want the key lime pie, that’s fifth on a list of five op­tions.
20-some­thing woman #1: Well, why don’t we get a pie for every­one else, and a tiramisu for you?
50-some­thing woman: I want every­one to eat what I’m eat­ing in com­mem­o­ra­tion of my birth­day!
20-some­thing woman #2: Oh my god. I’m leav­ing.

–Hold­en Beach, North Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: Au­drey

I Thought You Were Talk­ing About Those Tourist Lo­cals

Guy #1: Let’s go lo­cal hunt­ing.
Hot girl: I don’t want to go fuck­ing lo­cal hunt­ing.
Guy #2: You should, it’s mad fun. We went to this lo­cal par­ty once and got kicked out.
Guy #1: Yeah, but we got the num­ber of this kid who lives here.
Ug­ly girl: Wait. Peo­ple live here?

–West­hamp­ton Beach, New York

Over­heard by: Does­n’t live there