Blonde girl on cell: That's not fair! Just because I want to actively pursue a sexual relationship with my thesis advisor does not mean you can call me a whore! (long pause) My boyfriend says he doesn't care.
–Los Angeles, California
Archive for the ‘Wishes’ Category
"…Do I Have to Bleach It?"
Chubby tourist: So then I was like, “Okay, anal is something I'd really wanna try.”
–Beach 6, Presque Isle, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
Translation: the Ocean Scares Me
Young black male: Yo, I wish this was an urban beach. Like Chicago.
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
It Isn't the Bronx, Sweetie.
Kayaking girl #1: Mom, where do we go?
Kayaking mom: Oh, why don't we go to the other side of the island?
Kayaking girl #2: No, we can't! I heard they had guns and spears over there–I don't wanna get shot!
–Sugarbay, St. Thomas, South Africa
Overheard by: yams
Could You Just Put the Cake at the Bottom Of the Sugar Bag?
Thin girl ordering funnel cake: I want so much powdered sugar on it that I don't want to be able to see the dough!
–Ocean City, Maryland
Florida Girls Are, Well, Different
Sailor #1, in bathroom: Ew! I saw your dick!
Sailor #2: Ew! You wish!
–Pensacola, Florida
Overheard by: disturbed roommate
For God's Sake, I'm Starting to Think, Here!
Man, to himself: I wish we were back at the condo so I could watch tv. I can only sit here and watch nothing for so long.
–Fripp Island, South Carolina
Happens Every Time She Watches The O'Reilly Factor
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Now Imagine Lesley Gore Singing This
Guy #1: I can’t believe you did that! How could you? After all this time! I thought I knew you!
Guy #2, very loudly: It’s my butt and it’s gonna be fucked if I want it to!
–Enseada Beach, Brazil
Overheard by: Natasha
It's Already Mastered "Sit."
Girl, carrying piece of kelp to dad: This can be my pet until we get a doggie!
–Hermosa Beach, California