Guy to woman: I'm not going to have a nervous breakdown like you did, and I'm not going to have irritable bowl syndrome like John. I'm going to visit mom less often. –Manhattan Beach, New York
Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin' staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He's giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it. –Ocean Beach, California
20-something male, chasing after another with driftwood: Go back to the sea from whence you came! –Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Little black kid: Why can't we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain't no pool, nigga, it's got sharks in it! –Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
British mother to young child: Either put it in your mouth or I'm giving it to charity! –Miami Beach, Florida
Beach guy #1: We need to find some slutty girls tonight.
Beach guy #2: Yeah, sluts are great for hangovers. –Waikiki Beach, Hawaii Overheard by: Jellyfish Jaq
Teenage girl #1: Wait, if there's a Mrs. Claus and Santa, then how come he doesn't have any kids?
Teenage girl #2: Well, all the children in the world are his kids.
Teenage girl #1: Santa's kind of a pedophile if you think about it. Like, I'll sneak into your house and give you presents if you love me.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, ew. –Misquamicit Beach, Rhode Island Overheard by: Amanda
Blonde in bikini #1: She said she made eye contact with it three times.
Older man reading magazine: It was a five-year-old. That's what kids do.
Blonde in bikini #2: It was definitely not a five-year-old. –Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island
Overly tan muscle man at crowded parade: You can tell people who aren’t from New York cause they say “Excuse me”. –Coney Island, New York
Clothed guy: Hey, got any change?
Nude guy, waving his hands in the air: I got no pockets! –Wreck Beach, British Columbia, Canadia