Mom to little boy: If you keep digging that damn hole, a Chinese man is going to pop out and make you eat rice.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Sheph
Archive for the ‘Virginia’ Category
Detached Redundancies Are For People Under the Age of 20
Tween #1: Ohmigod. It’s soooo sandy.
Tween #2: Um, it’s a beach.
Random old man: Damn teeny boppers.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I hate shoobies.
Assuming You Aren’t Consistently Pregnant
16-year-old clerk to man buying tampons: Those for you? (snickers)
Tampon-buying man: No, I have a wife. Don’t worry, one day when you are all grown up, you will need these too.
–Grocery Store, Virginia Beach, Virginia
Republicans: See? See?!
Teenage girl: I love carbs! I would marry them if eating your spouse was legal!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
STI’s Don’t Discriminate, Dear Reader
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: I’m still dripping.
Hot 20-year-old guy #2: Dude, you banged that chick like a month ago and you’re still dripping?
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: Dude, duh! She was Latina!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Ooo, Them’s Fighting Words!
Teen to friend: That boy doesn’t know his bivalves from his crustaceans.
–Colonial Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans
Now Let’s Get Drunk and Go Swimming!
Loud girl to friend: Man, people is stupid!
Friend: I know, right!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Such a Small Area, So Many Problems
20-something girl #1, coming out of water: Oh my god! I got stage fright, I couldn’t go.
20-something girl #2: Oh, there’s Danielle!! (points down to beach)
20-something girl #1: As soon as she gets here we’re going back in, I have to pee so badly!
20-something girl #2: Hey, Danielle!
Danielle: Ohmigod, you guys! My herpes burns so badly!
(all three walks into water)
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Sweedie
Especially Not My Webcam Viewers
Person #1: I don’t want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why? We came all the way to the beach…
Person #1: It’s cold in the water.
Person #2: You were the one that wanted to come.
Person #1: Yes, but I didn’t want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why ever not?
Person #1: There are crabs in the water. I don’t want people to think I’m promiscuous.
–Plymouth Beach, Virginia
I Tried to Solve Both Problems by Eating Her
Big man: No, I never blamed my wife for me being fat. I blame her for me being a nympho… Not for being fat, though…
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
