Old lady #1: He told me he has never lasted more than three minutes with anyone!
Old lady #2: Really?? That poor, poor woman of his. No wonder she got a boob job and bites her nails so much.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Archive for the ‘Virginia’ Category
Then It Won't Bother You So Much When I Lick My Anus
Preppy girl: Just close your eyes and envision me as a black lab puppy.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Let's Hope They Keep Trying This Before They Have a Chance to Reproduce
Amateur marine biologist #1: Why are they called jellyfish?
Amateur marine biologist #2: They taste like jelly. Duh.
Amateur marine biologist #1: Blueberry jelly?
Amateur marine biologist #2: I dunno. Taste it.
Amateur marine biologist #1, moments later: Cherry.
–Chesapeake Bay
Your Father Couldn't Find My Bottom with Both Hands
Little boy to mom: Don’t touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I’m going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
STI's Don't Discriminate, Dear Reader
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: I'm still dripping.
Hot 20-year-old guy #2: Dude, you banged that chick like a month ago and you're still dripping?
Hot 20-year-old guy #1: Dude, duh! She was Latina!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Way Too Old For You
20-something guy: Hey, how old are you?
Young girl: I'm fifteen.
20-something guy, looking over to friend: Exactly my point.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: jenny
Now Let's Get Drunk and Go Swimming!
Loud girl to friend: Man, people is stupid!
Friend: I know, right!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Especially Not My Webcam Viewers
Person #1: I don't want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why? We came all the way to the beach…
Person #1: It's cold in the water.
Person #2: You were the one that wanted to come.
Person #1: Yes, but I didn't want to go in the water.
Person #2: Why ever not?
Person #1: There are crabs in the water. I don't want people to think I'm promiscuous.
–Plymouth Beach, Virginia
That's the Last Time I'll Chug Non-Alcoholic Beer
Frat boy: Dude! I got so drunk last night that I got a temporary tattoo!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Jon
Ooo, Them's Fighting Words!
Teen to friend: That boy doesn't know his bivalves from his crustaceans.
–Colonial Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans