Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Archive for the ‘Virginia’ Category
You Know She Likes Fish
Hot chick #1 (laying on Little Mermaid towel): I always feel bad laying on her like this.
Hot chick #2: I wouldn’t! I’d scissor her face if she was real.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
In Case of Emergency, We Use Fat Virginians
Woman: So, since the hurricane is coming, are they going to put up the hurricane shield?
Municipal employee: Hurricane shield?
Woman: Yes, the hurricane shield. Doesn’t the city have a shield you put up to block the wind and such from the hurricane?!
Municipal employee: Ma’am, no such thing exists.
Woman, sarcastically: Well, aren’t you guys just the most prepared beach town in America!
Municipal employee: Have a wonderful day, ma’am.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Cebastian
Aren’t You Guys a Little Young for a Suicide Pact?
Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mandy
Making Me the Perfect Complement to Any Outfit
College kid: But I was conceived in Florida, so that means I’m neutral!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
…Is the Title Of My New Documentary.
Guy at table full of intently listening people: Imagine 50 pounds of animal defecating inside your house! That’s a lot of shit!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
…While You’re Sleeping.
Drunk guy to drunk friends: I love you from the base of my penis!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Allison
…We’ve Demuzed Ourselves with This Conversation Long Enough.
Girl #1: Yeah, it’s totally going to be my de-mice.
Girl #2: De-mice?
Girl #1: De-meese?
Girl #2: What? Demise?
Girl #1: Whatever.
–Virginia Beach
No, Let’s Talk More about the Cheese
Woman: Where are you from?
Twelve-year-old boy: Minnesota.
Woman: Oh, yeah, you have really good cheese there.
Boy: Ummmm…
Woman: Oh, wait. No. That’s Wisconsin. They have really good cheese.
Boy: Yeah. They do. But I’m from Minnesota.
–Virginia Beach
Your Father Couldn’t Find My Bottom with Both Hands
Little boy to mom: Don’t touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I’m going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
