Little girl: Who would kick someone else’s kid?!
–The Grotto, Tobermory, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Lorraine
Archive for the ‘Violence’ Category
NewsFlash: Trio Questioned in Tuna Sandwich Stabbing
Loud girl #1 using knife: Man, this is sharp!
Loud girl #2: Yeah, that’s because it’s meant to stab people!
Loud girl #2’s boyfriend: No, it’s not…
–Pensacola Beach, Santa Rosa Island, Florida
Overheard by: pretending to read a research article
The Warden Won’t Let Us Bring It Into the Prison
20-something girl: We can’t make Eric a “sorry you got raped” cake anymore.
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Angry Sex Is What It Means in South Beach
Girl: Stop being so hostile.
Boy: I’m not, I’m just angry and annoyed. What does “hostile” mean?
–South Beach, Miami, Florida
Overheard by: HH
America, in a Nutshell.
Redneck, looking at fish tank: How many of them there fish you reckon I could shoot?
–Ripley’s Aquarium, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Lost all hope in humanity
First They Blow You Up, Then They Patch You Up
Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Hope You’re Studying up for Thursday’s Dung-Flinging Quiz
Professor to group of girls covered in whitish goo: What happened to you?
Girl #1: Egg sac war.
Girl #2 and Girl #3: Yeah.
Professor: … Ugh.
Guy: I love this class.
–Fort DeSoto Beach, Florida
Overheard by: There’s nothing like lab in the field
As Required by State Law
Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: beach*blonde
Happens Every Time She Watches The O’Reilly Factor
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
You Should Only Hit Your Enemies, Your Children, and Iraq
Woman, smacking her son over the head: Don’t hit your friends!
–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Herbie McHebrew
