Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Dad's Kind Of a Giant Sand Dick

Four-year-old girl: Look daddy, I'm going to make a sand castle!
Inexplicably angry father: You know that's not going to work! The sand has to be wet. I thought we went over this already, but you never listen, do you?

–Grand Bend, Canadia

Overheard by: Castle

If This Ends With Adult Diapers, I'm Outta Here

Guy #1: So step one is where she's peeing and he comes in to pee and she spreads her legs far to open up a space into the toilet and he pees in that space. Guy #2 no, step one is where she's really drunk and he's really drunk and she's in the bathroom peeing and he barges in to pee too and she doesn't freak out.
Guy #1: Oh yeah, that makes more sense. There's a progression.
Guy #2: So then what you said first is step two and then step three is where they're both drunk and she's peeing and he walks in the bathroom and not only does she not freak out, but she allows him to dip his hand in her stream of urine.
Girl: What the fuck? Why would he do that?
Guy #1: That's just how he rolls. But you see the progression, right? And the whole point is that if she doesn't freak out, she's a keeper.

–Tybee Island, GA

Overheard by: Can't concentrate on my book

The Ice Loves Coco Episode You Won't Want to Miss

Boyfriend and girlfriend arguing at beach:
Short chunky girlfriend: "look at that blonde bitch over there with the big boobs. Those are the fakest things I've ever seen."
Boyfriend: "maybe you should hit the gym more."
Girlfriend: "fuck you!" (punches his arm, yelling).
Boyfriend: "well maybe you should. Or you could go on the cocaine diet?"
Girlfriend: "yeah so I can be a crackwhore?"
Boyfriend: "crackwhores are sexy."
Girlfriend: "what the fuck is wrong with you jackass?"
Boyfriend: "so what? I like fucking skinny bitches. Buy some blow already and stop eating."

–Malibu, CA

Lestat and Louis Just Can't Catch a Break.

Old leather-skinned Guy: Where ya been all summer?
Gay couple: Ummm, do we know you?
Old leather-skinned guy: Nah, I just say that to everyone as pale as you this late in the season.

–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey