Archive for the ‘Tweens’ Category

Some­how That Makes It Much Worse

Tween boy #1: Dude, I’m gonna cleave the beaver.
Tween boy #2: When?
Tween boy #1: Tonight.
Tween boy #2: Sweet. You’ll have to tell me how the beaver tastes.
Passer­by: Do you even know what a beaver is?
Tween boy #2: Yeah, it’s an an­i­mal, stu­pid.

–Beaver Is­land State Park, Grand Is­land, New York

God Of­ten For­gets to Rest on the Sev­enth Day

Fa­ther: Okay okay okay, let’s go now.
Tween daugh­ter #1: Why? We have com­pa­ny! Can’t we stay?
Fa­ther: I have no cov­er­age here. I have calls to make. I have to work. No work, no play, no food, no house, no fun, no beach, no va­ca­tion.
Tween daugh­ter #2: No beach?
Fa­ther: How do you think this beach got here? My hard work.

–Nau­set Beach, Cape Cod, Mass­a­chu­setts

Over­heard by: amazed ob­serv­er

That’s Be­cause They’re All Preg­nant! (Like Rab­bits!)

Tween #1: So, like, what did you eat in Africa?
Tween #2: Like rice and stuff.
Tween #1: Like white rice or brown rice?
Tween #2: White rice.
Tween #1: Like, ew. You can get so fat from that! Oh my God, is that why those Africans in those pic­ture you have, have huge bel­lies?
Tween #2: You are be­yond re­tard­ed!

–Sec­ond Beach, New­port, Rhode Is­land