Archive for the ‘Tourists’ Category

But They’re Priced Up for the Tourist Trade

Tourist lady looking at photo of sea otter: Oh, you have salt water beavers here?!
Local guy: Yes, we do.
Tourist lady: Do they have a name?
Local guy: Yes, we call them ‘snatches.‘
Tourist lady: Did you hear that, honey? They have snatches here!

–Schooner’s Wharf, Cayucos, California

Overheard by: Local girl

… And They Drank Too Much of It

Teen tourist girl #1: Why are all the Jersey boys guidos?
Teen tourist girl #2: I don’t know. I guess there’s a lot of Italians around here.
Teen tourist girl #1: Maybe the water in the ocean is from Italy.

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: Glad I’m old..

You Could Have Had a Friend in Pennsylvania, But Nooo…

Tourist guy: I hate these tourists! They think they’re so cool, just coming down for the weekend in their little homes, fucking up the traffic and making parking difficult. Go home!
Local teen: Your license plate says you’re from Pennsylvania.
Tourist guy: I rent for the summer. I guess I’m kinda like you, in a sense.
Local teen: Bitch, please.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: beach native

Remember What Happened When You Tried to Do That at the Met?

Mexican tour guide: Virgin women between the ages of 19 – 24 were sacrificed at the top of the main temple to the sun god–
Bored Brit #1: –What he really means is that all the pretty birds had already been laid so they had to sacrifice the ugly birds for the benefit of the future civilization.
Bored Brit #2: I don’t care. All I want to do is run to the top of that little temple, have a fag, and look at the ocean.

–Cancun, Mexico

Marijuana: The Universal Language

Guatemalan teen, passing American teen on the beach: Quieres fumar?
American teen: Huh? What?
Guatemalan teen: Quieres fumar?
American teen: Bro, I don’t know what you’re saying. I don’t speak Mexican or whatever that is.
Guatemalan teen: Want smoke weed?
American teen: Oh. Hell yeah, why didn’t you say that the first time?

–Monte Rico, Guatemala

Overheard by: MangoJoe