American tourist, to black islander carving a sculpture from a log: You people are so talented!
–Straw Market, Nassau, Bahamas
Overheard by: Dumbfounded Tourist
Archive for the ‘Tourists’ Category
First Tell Me What You Think a Beach Is
Tourist standing on beach: Excuse me. Can you tell me where the beach is?
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Shannon
God Does the Rest
Tourist: Where do they put the sand in the winter?
Local, sarcastically: Oh, they put it in bags and store it in the convention center.
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: OC local
That’s As Much As I’m Cleared to Tell You At This Juncture
Tourist: Hey, the water is coming up really high.
Local: Yeah, it’s definitely a high tide today.
Tourist: How come it does that? I mean, what makes the water come up so high?
Local: Well, let’s just say it has a lot to do with the moon.
–Pismo-Oceano Dunes, California
Overheard by: janie
And They Keep Accidentally Driving Me Back Over the Border
Tourist with thick New Jersey accent: These people are so stupid! They don’t even speak American.
–Huatulco, Mexico
Though I Often Doubt If They Are Worth It
Native man: This is where Hawaiians come to celebrate a child’s first birthday with a luau. All the family comes to have a three-day party by the ocean.
Tourist: How did that get started?
Native man: To protect the babies from the missionaries who loved to eat plump Hawaiian babies.
Tourist, shocked: That wasn’t in my tour book.
Native man: It’s something we keep quiet to protect the white missionaries.
–Kohala, Hawaii
Overheard by: BLondie
Remember When You Thought Taking German in College Would Never Do You Any Good?
Male tourist speaking in German: Look at that guy’s Speedo!
Female tourist speaking in German: Eeew. And his friend really needs to shave his back.
Male tourist speaking in German: I am so glad no one understands what we are saying.
Female tourist speaking in German: I know!
–South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: German-speaker
You Might Find Some in Between the Condoms and Syringes
Hick tourist, pointing to the ocean: So is that there salt water?
Island Beach State Park worker, after long confused pause: It’s the ocean.
Hick tourist: Yeah, but does it like, have salt in it?
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: sick of bennies
And Ketchup
American female tourist #1: So what did you say your favorite condoment was ?
American female tourist #2: Trojans!
American male tourist: You kiddin … Mine is Europe, every time!
–Holland America Cruise, Mediterrean Sea
Overheard by: Vennfix
Pop Quiz: Which Girl Are You?
Tourist girl #1: Wow! Check out the package on that guy!
Tourist girl #2: What? He’s not holding anything.
Tourist girl #1: I meant his dick!
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: Fernanda
