Tourist girl #1: Wow! Check out the package on that guy!
Tourist girl #2: What? He’s not holding anything.
Tourist girl #1: I meant his dick!
–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Overheard by: Fernanda
Archive for the ‘Tourists’ Category
But They’re Priced Up for the Tourist Trade
Tourist lady looking at photo of sea otter: Oh, you have salt water beavers here?!
Local guy: Yes, we do.
Tourist lady: Do they have a name?
Local guy: Yes, we call them ‘snatches.‘
Tourist lady: Did you hear that, honey? They have snatches here!
–Schooner’s Wharf, Cayucos, California
Overheard by: Local girl
… And They Drank Too Much of It
Teen tourist girl #1: Why are all the Jersey boys guidos?
Teen tourist girl #2: I don’t know. I guess there’s a lot of Italians around here.
Teen tourist girl #1: Maybe the water in the ocean is from Italy.
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: Glad I’m old..
…And Pass the Vodka
Snorkel guide: The blue belt is for the strong swimmer. The orange belt is for… the weaker swimmer.
Man to wife: You better get the orange belt.
Wife: Hey, shut up!
–Jamaica
Overheard by: Peeto the Cheeto
Thus Ousted, the Crackhead Went to Yale and Ran for President
Crackhead: Yeah, I’m kind of known around here as the sheriff of the North Shore.
Local guy: Yeah? Well, then I’m the mayor.
Passing Australian surfer: I want to be prime minister.
–Sunset Beach, Oahu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Jehan
You Could Have Had a Friend in Pennsylvania, But Nooo…
Tourist guy: I hate these tourists! They think they’re so cool, just coming down for the weekend in their little homes, fucking up the traffic and making parking difficult. Go home!
Local teen: Your license plate says you’re from Pennsylvania.
Tourist guy: I rent for the summer. I guess I’m kinda like you, in a sense.
Local teen: Bitch, please.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: beach native
Remember What Happened When You Tried to Do That at the Met?
Mexican tour guide: Virgin women between the ages of 19 – 24 were sacrificed at the top of the main temple to the sun god–
Bored Brit #1: –What he really means is that all the pretty birds had already been laid so they had to sacrifice the ugly birds for the benefit of the future civilization.
Bored Brit #2: I don’t care. All I want to do is run to the top of that little temple, have a fag, and look at the ocean.
–Cancun, Mexico
Marijuana: The Universal Language
Guatemalan teen, passing American teen on the beach: Quieres fumar?
American teen: Huh? What?
Guatemalan teen: Quieres fumar?
American teen: Bro, I don’t know what you’re saying. I don’t speak Mexican or whatever that is.
Guatemalan teen: Want smoke weed?
American teen: Oh. Hell yeah, why didn’t you say that the first time?
–Monte Rico, Guatemala
Overheard by: MangoJoe
NewsFlash: Viagra and Headboards Spell Disaster
Tourist mom on cell: He’s not gonna be brain damaged! It wasn’t my fault — it was only two hours!
–Point Pleasant Boardwalk, New Jersey
Overheard by: bonzo
GI Jane Gets Edited For Lifetime
American girl, looking at girl with shaved head: Oh my God, I feel soo bad for her.
American friend #1: ‘Cause she has cancer?
American friend #2: Or she’s a dyke.
American girl: Either way, it sucks!
–Herzliya Beach, Herzliya, Israel
