Grandma: So aren't you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
Archive for the ‘Time’ Category
Maybe Summer School Would Help
Kid: Mom, we get two months off for school this summer right?
Mom: No, you get like eight weeks.
Kid: Oh, okay.
–Ocean Beach, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
How J-Lo Can You Go?
Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans — what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: AP
Though the Mailman's Been Known to Go for Rides on It
Townie broad #1: You can tell how a man treats a woman by how he treats his bike.
Townie broad #2: Bill keeps his in the garage and hasn't ridden it in five years.
–Point Pleasant, New Jersey
Honey, They Know We Have Sex!
B&B owner to guests: Do you two have children?
Female guest: Oh no, not yet. That’s why we are here!
B&B owner (blushing) walking away: Oh! Well, I’m glad we could help!
Guest (softly, mortified): I meant we have more time without kids!
–Bed & Breakfast, Galveston Island, Texas
Don't Wish Your Life Away. Let Me Do It.
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
If Only There Was a Way We Could Both Get What We Want
Woman #1: Now you see that dude right there? That one in the green swim trunks.
Woman #2: Okaaaaay, yeah, I see him. The one with the red hair that's skimboarding?
Woman #1: Yeah, him. Now, I would so hook up with him. Look at those abs. Don't you just wanna run your hands all over him?
Girl slathered in tanning oil, staring at them: That's my boyfriend.
Woman #2: Oh. How long have you guys been going out?
Girl: Four months. What's it to you?
Woman #1: Just weighing our chances.
Girl: Chances of what?
Woman #2: Sleeping with him.
(girl makes disgusted noise and walks away).
Woman #2: Don' t worry, Shar. She's hideous. We'll follow them when they leave and the next time they go to a club or something, we'll hunt him down and get what we want.
Woman #1: We always do. Wait…which one of us gets to sleep with him? (they glance at each other, saying nothing) I've got a bigger rack.
–Pismo Beach, California
Overheard by: Matilda
See? There Goes Story-Time, Down Your Leg.
Mom to young son: You lost all your privileges when you peed in your pants.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Scott
Samuel Beckett Was Tanning Nearby, and the Rest Is History
Old lady at car: Henry, wait for me!
Old man carrying beach chairs half a block ahead of her: Dammit, Agnes, I’m going! I’ve been waiting for you for 40 years!
–Beach near Naples, Florida
Overheard by: X
Is Made Of Honor the Shittiest Movie Ever Made? Discuss.
Girl to guy: So, wait, remind me again when you told me you were going to be a bridesmaid. I feel like I haven't been making fun of you enough for that.
Guy: It was a while ago.
Girl: Wow, I have some major mocking to do!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware