Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Archive for the ‘Time’ Category
God Lifeguards Summers So He Can Work on His Tan
Lifeguard on megaphone: Attention, beach-goers, due to the sunset, you must get out in 5 minutes or else we will turn the waves off.
Girl: Oh my God! Is he serious?!
–Huntington Beach, California
His Girlfriend Has It Mo-We-Fr, Her Sister Tu-Th, and They Alternate Weekends
Dude #1: I wish she would just forgive me already. It’s been over a month.
Dude #2: Dude, you went down on her sister!
Dude #1: Well, yeah, exactly. It’s like the same pussy, right?
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
Could the World Continue in My Absence?
14-year-old boy, looking at tide chart: Dude, I don’t get it! High tide is at 9:55 p.m., but this place closes at eight!
–Crescent Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kevin and Elissa
Is Made Of Honor the Shittiest Movie Ever Made? Discuss.
Girl to guy: So, wait, remind me again when you told me you were going to be a bridesmaid. I feel like I haven’t been making fun of you enough for that.
Guy: It was a while ago.
Girl: Wow, I have some major mocking to do!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
I’ll Take That Silence to Mean It’s Been Your Lifelong Dream
Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Stephanie Wall
It’s Mostly a Pro Forma Request
Mom: Are you ready to go?
Little girl: No!
Mom: Okay, let’s go!
–Sarasota, Florida
Overheard by: wondering why she bothered to ask
And If You Swim Every Day, You Never Need to Bathe
Older rich man: I stopped using soap back in ’74. There’s a lot to be said for some hot water and a good scrub.
–Destin, Florida
God, We are So Much Grittier than those Spoiled Little Shits on TV
OC dude #1: So, like, when you were at college, did you have to do your own laundry?
OC dude #2: Yeah.
OC dude #1: That sucks. I had to do my own laundry for, like, a year.
OC dude #2: It’s actually not that bad.
OC dude #1: Yeah, it actually makes you feel really responsible.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Lena
Don’t Wish Your Life Away. Let Me Do It.
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
