Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Lady in long line for bathroom: Why you wanna change in there when you got sand up your ass?
–Boardwalk, Coney Island, New York
Lifeguard on megaphone: Attention, beach-goers, due to the sunset, you must get out in 5 minutes or else we will turn the waves off.
Girl: Oh my God! Is he serious?!
–Huntington Beach, California
Dude #1: I wish she would just forgive me already. It’s been over a month.
Dude #2: Dude, you went down on her sister!
Dude #1: Well, yeah, exactly. It’s like the same pussy, right?
–Jacksonville Beach, Florida
14-year-old boy, looking at tide chart: Dude, I don’t get it! High tide is at 9:55 p.m., but this place closes at eight!
–Crescent Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Kevin and Elissa
Girl to guy: So, wait, remind me again when you told me you were going to be a bridesmaid. I feel like I haven’t been making fun of you enough for that.
Guy: It was a while ago.
Girl: Wow, I have some major mocking to do!
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Overheard by: Stephanie Wall
Mom: Are you ready to go?
Little girl: No!
Mom: Okay, let’s go!
–Sarasota, Florida
Overheard by: wondering why she bothered to ask
Older rich man: I stopped using soap back in ’74. There’s a lot to be said for some hot water and a good scrub.
–Destin, Florida
OC dude #1: So, like, when you were at college, did you have to do your own laundry?
OC dude #2: Yeah.
OC dude #1: That sucks. I had to do my own laundry for, like, a year.
OC dude #2: It’s actually not that bad.
OC dude #1: Yeah, it actually makes you feel really responsible.
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Lena
Little boy: Mommy, is it still morning?
Mom: No, honey, it’s nighttime now.
Little boy: But you told me it was morning five minutes ago!
–Hilton Head, South Carolina
Overheard by: Arya
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist