Archive for the ‘Three is company’ Category

See, It’s Sa­cred, and that’s Why the Gays Don’t De­serve It

Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Hon­ey, do you want a drink?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, read­ing: Sure.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by: Do you want a sand­wich?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, ex­as­per­at­ed: Will you give me a mas­sage?
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey: What­ev­er.
At­trac­tive blonde stranger: I’ll give you a mas­sage, hot­tie.
Ab­sent­mind­ed wifey, look­ing up from her book: Back off, he’s mine [she goes back to her book].
Hon­ey­moon­ing hub­by, whis­per­ing to blonde: So… Can I meet you lat­er, then?

–Hilton Head, South Car­oli­na

Over­heard by: ea­ger ears

Por­trait of the Stenog­ra­ph­er as a Young Girl

Young teen girl: Hey, Mom, Dad told me to ask you, and I’m quot­ing him, to ‘Please leave a cou­ple of drinks for him be­fore your fat ass hogs them all.’
Mom: Tell your fa­ther that he had bet­ter be nicer to me or else I’m go­ing to leave his ass for a sexy Latin man named Es­te­ban… again. And you can quote me on that!

–Del Mar, Cal­i­for­nia

Over­heard by: Jess the Pi­rate

And She’s Al­ways Blab­bing to My Wife

Cute surfer: So, how’s it go­ing? Did you go out with her again?
Re­al­ly cute surfer: Oh, no, she’s trav­el­ing, but I’m wait­ing for her to come back.
Cute surfer: You’re re­al­ly in­to her, right? I thinks she’s hot.
Re­al­ly cute surfer: Yeah, she’s amaz­ing.
Cute surfer: Have you, like, talked to her about go­ing out again?
Re­al­ly cute surfer: Yeah, kin­da… [Look­ing away and wav­ing] Hey, dude, stop talk­ing about it. My girl­friend is com­ing.
Cute surfer: Oh, okay [smiles and waves to girl].

–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Over­heard by: And I thought he was cute

Next, Grasshop­per, You Will Learn to Say the F‑Word in Be­tween Syl­la­bles

Swedish guy, to French guy: So you’re telling me I just paid like 1,000 Eu­ro to go here and find out that some fuckin’ frogshag­ger screwed my girl­friend?

French guy says noth­ing.

Swedish guy: Hey, that’s three words for “in­ter­course” in one sen­tence! Per­son­al record!

–Côte d’Azur, France

Over­heard by: An­oth­er Swede