Archive for the ‘Threats’ Category

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Get Back in the Dating Pool

Teen girl: I heard there are sharks in the lake.
Teen boy: That’s probably not true.
Teen girl: It’s true. Like, somebody got killed here by a shark.
Teen boy: I think you have upstate New York confused with anywhere with a shoreline.
Teen girl: But…
Teen boy: ‘But’-nothing if you wanna get fucked later.

–Lake George, New York

If No Elevator Is Available, I'd Like to Be Carried on a Litter

Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you – Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma’am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.

–Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: also waiting for elevator

I'm Guessing The Sopranos

Little girl: I’m gonna… I’m gonna cut off your head with a knife!
Mother, shocked: Where did you hear that kind of language?!
Little girl: Ummm, I don’t know…
Mother: You must have heard it somewhere!
Little girl: I made it up! … Is pepperoni meat?
Mother: Yes.

–Oceanside, California

Overheard by: kafrin