Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category

Hon­ey, I Chummed the Kids

Crab­by mom to sug­ared-up five-year-old: Fine! Tell your dad­dy I said you were shark bait. Just please sit down or, I swear to God, you will be!

–South Padre Is­land, Texas

Over­heard by: air­wav

Dude, I Think She’s Ad­ver­tis­ing!

Pre­teen boy #1, whis­per­ing to pal: Dude! Look at that girl ly­ing over there. Her bikini’s pulled up so tight it’s up in her snatch.
Pre­teen boy #2, whis­per­ing back: Qui­et… Damn!
Pre­teen boy #1: What’s that stick­ing out?
Pre­teen boy #2: I think it’s hair, dude.
Pre­teen boy #1: They got hair down there?
[they high-five each other]Preteen boy #1: It’s kind of gross and cool at the same time.

–Padre Is­land, Texas

…That’s How I Met You.

30 some­thing guy stand­ing at bar: So she asked me if I had ever slept with a strip­per.
Friend: What did you say?
30 some­thing guy: I told her the truth… I said “yeah, I slept with a strip­per, of course.”

–Austin, Texas

Hon­ey, They Know We Have Sex!

B&B own­er to guests: Do you two have chil­dren?
Fe­male guest: Oh no, not yet. That’s why we are here!
B&B own­er (blush­ing) walk­ing away: Oh! Well, I’m glad we could help!
Guest (soft­ly, mor­ti­fied): I meant we have more time with­out kids!

–Bed & Break­fast, Galve­ston Is­land, Texas

They’re Like Su­san Saran­don That Way

Girl: I used to have a Shih-Tzu. Cutest dog ever.
Boy: Yeah, my friend has one, and this Dober­man mutt thing. It’s weird, ’cause they were play­ing with each oth­er and its eye­ball fell out.
Girl: What?!
Boy: Yeah. They took it to the vet and he was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that hap­pens a lot.’

–Lake Con­roe, Texas