Archive for the ‘Texas’ Category

They’re Like Susan Sarandon That Way

Girl: I used to have a Shih-Tzu. Cutest dog ever.
Boy: Yeah, my friend has one, and this Doberman mutt thing. It’s weird, ’cause they were playing with each other and its eyeball fell out.
Girl: What?!
Boy: Yeah. They took it to the vet and he was like, ‘Oh, yeah, that happens a lot.’

–Lake Conroe, Texas

…That’s How I Met You.

30 something guy standing at bar: So she asked me if I had ever slept with a stripper.
Friend: What did you say?
30 something guy: I told her the truth… I said “yeah, I slept with a stripper, of course.”

–Austin, Texas

Honey, I Chummed the Kids

Crabby mom to sugared-up five-year-old: Fine! Tell your daddy I said you were shark bait. Just please sit down or, I swear to God, you will be!

–South Padre Island, Texas

Overheard by: airwav

Dude, I Think She’s Advertising!

Preteen boy #1, whispering to pal: Dude! Look at that girl lying over there. Her bikini’s pulled up so tight it’s up in her snatch.
Preteen boy #2, whispering back: Quiet… Damn!
Preteen boy #1: What’s that sticking out?
Preteen boy #2: I think it’s hair, dude.
Preteen boy #1: They got hair down there?
[they high-five each other]Preteen boy #1: It’s kind of gross and cool at the same time.

–Padre Island, Texas