Teenage girl #1: And then I was all like, “I saw ducks!“
Teenage girl #2: God, that’s such a stoner thing to say!
–Granite Bay, California
Overheard by: ducks are cool
Archive for the ‘Teens’ Category
Insert Vibrating Ring Joke Here
Teen boy, to anorexic teen girl #1: Why do you keep your phone in your thong?
Anorexic teen girl #2: Well, where else is she going to put it? She has no boobs.
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sam
She Wandered Into a Foreign Film Festival at the Bijou
Teen girl #1: Have you been going to church lately?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, I found a new church I really like.
Teen girl #1: Really?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, it like smells all creepy, and, like, they speak in tongues. It is really scary, so I will probably go to this one!
Teen girl #1: Cool. Maybe I’ll go with you.
–Shilshole Beach, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Why do those people have goatskins on?
To Some White People, There’s Only One Big Black Person
Six-year-old girl (about book on Obama): That’s our new President!
Teen: Yeah, do you know what his name is?
Six-year-old girl: Martin Luther King!
–Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: tori
Cher Is My Mom — This Fall on Lifetime
Teen girl: My ribs are so big!
Mom: You can blame your father for that.
Dad: Your ribs are fine.
Teen girl: They look like a second set of boobs!
Dad: They look fine.
Mom: You know, you can get surgery to have some of them removed.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Even Abusive Relationships Are Better at the Beach
Teenage girl: Aw, look at the little kid. He’s digging a hole to nowhere. How cute!
Teenage boy, completely serious: He’s digging to China, you stupid bitch!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Marie
The Real Reason Formula Was Invented
20-Something daughter: Dad! Hurry up and take the picture; mom’s pressing her boobs into my back!
Mom: I’m sorry! You suckled from these boobs, you know.
20-Something daughter: Well, clearly I quit for a reason.
Dad: Yeah. Because you were too tired of fighting me for them.
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Kate
When Californian Children Are Born to Otherwise Normal Canadian Parents
Teenage girl in expensive yoga pants to meek mother: Move to France? Why the hell would I move to France? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say in, like, forever. Stop trying to live your, like, stupid dreams and stuff through me!
–Coffee Shop in the Beach, Toronto, Canadia
Americans Think the Right to Be Stupid Is an Obligation
19-year-old boy: I want to make a shirt that says “Keep Allah out of downtown New York” and wear it to Ground Zero.
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: Couldn’t Agree More
Shark: Ralph, Do You Have to Play the Jaws Theme Non-Stop?
Middle aged tourist yelling frantically to children in the water: Get out, get out! There’s sharks!
Teenager with skimboard: Actually, those are a school of stingrays. They’re quite harmle…
Middle age mother, cutting him off: Shaaarks! Get out now!
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Jonica Grompson
