Old man: I think it’s too late to swim, the oil is washing up on the beach.
Old woman: Yeah, it’s too late for a lot of things now.
Old man: We should move back to Detroit. It’s less polluted.
Old woman: I don’t want to die in Detroit. Remember, we had this conversation already.
–Pier, St Petersburg, Florida
Overheard by: Sandy Paws
Little boy, floating on his back: Look at me! I’m the slowest boat in life!
–Valley Falls, Vernon, Connecticut
Overheard by: your parents must be so proud
Little black kid: Why can’t we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain’t no pool, nigga, it’s got sharks in it!
–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Teen male #1: I just saw two lesbians kissing in the water.
Teen male #2: What? Why didn’t you take a fucking picture?
Teen male #1: Right, I forgot to take my camera phone with me while diving into the water…
–North Crete, Greece
Fat blubbery man to wife: C’mon already! Let’s go in the water – I gotta take a piss!
–Caribbean
Overheard by: Grossed Out
Girl #1, in shade: Wanna go down to the water?
Girl #2: Sure!
Girl #2, in water: Wanna go back to the tree?
Girl #1: Yeah. I do.
–Sydney, Australia
Young boy excitedly walking out of the ocean with father: Mom! It’s still so early in the morning and I already almost drowned!
–Jones Beach, New York
Overheard by: jt
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you’re in the water, you’re gonna die!
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!
–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island
Man: Come back in the water with me.
Boy: No. You tried to drown me! You almost killed me!
Man: Well. You shouldn’t have kicked me.
Boy: Kickin’ someone in the ding-dong ain’t gonna kill them.
Man: It might.
–Destin, Florida
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
