Amazed beachgoer, splashing in the waves: Holy shit! There are fish in the ocean!
–Seaside Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tess
Archive for the ‘Swimming’ Category
That’s Not What “Swimmers Will Be Penalized” Means, Bobby.
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Leave Your Sister Alone, Honey — She Had a Hard Night
12-year-old girl: Mom! She’s throwing up pickles in the pool!
–Ixtapa, Mexico
Minneapolis Kids Emerge from Hibernation After a Long Wii-inter
Dad to kid: You guys want to rent a canoe?
Kid: Canoe!? That’s super hard, even on the Wii, much less in real water!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: caveman
Things Went Fine Until She Saw Some Menacing Seaweed
Tourist mom to kids, upon seeing dolphins: Get out of the water! Go, now! Get out! [After seeing everyone else getting in and swimming out.] Never mind, get back in.
–Treasure Island, Florida
Overheard by: Native Floridian
It’s a Lead Boogieboard
10-year-old boy #1 in the pool: The sign says no flotation devices.
10-year-old boy #2: This isn’t a flotation device, it’s a boogie board.
10-year-old boy #1: A boogie board is a flotation device!
–Panama City, Florida
Overheard by: a schooner is a sailboat
Or Swedish?
Drunk woman to woman coming out of water with snorkeling mask: Oh, I was thinking about getting one of those! Is it worth the money?
Woman in mask: Absolutely! There’s tons of sea urchins, coral, plants, fish…
Drunk woman: Tropical?
–Atlantis Resort Cove Beach, Bahamas
Overheard by: Maggie
Aren’t You Guys a Little Young for a Suicide Pact?
Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mandy
Magnifying an Image by 100x Totally Counteracts the Effects Of Shrinkage
Chubby, bald man to female friends: They should really put mirrors on the beach, facing out towards the water, so you can watch yourself in the ocean… No, not mirrors, JumboTrons! I would love to watch myself on a giant tv while I swim!
–Kure Beach, North Carolina
They Never Call
Little girl to friend, after being put back into standing position by a wave: Haha! That wave just knocked me up!
–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Sarah
