Mother taking away son’s boogie board: Enough, time to leave and go home.
Young son: You don’t deserve a child!
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Archive for the ‘Swimming’ Category
Stop Touching My Cellulite, Sweetie.
Little girl in an excited hush: It looks like the desert… It even has lumps like the desert!
–Williamstown beach, Melbourne, Australia
Moral: You Should Always Take Your Camera When There’s the Chance There Will Be Lesbians.
Teen male #1: I just saw two lesbians kissing in the water.
Teen male #2: What? Why didn’t you take a fucking picture?
Teen male #1: Right, I forgot to take my camera phone with me while diving into the water…
–North Crete, Greece
George Patton Learns Why Children Make Bad Soldiers
Four-year-old boy, crouched behind a sand wall, yelling at friends running from waves: Hold your positions! I said, “Hold your positions!”
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Great White Ones!
Little black kid: Why can’t we go in the pool?
Friend: What pool? That ain’t no pool, nigga, it’s got sharks in it!
–Coney Island Boardwalk, New York
Bottom Line, Don’t Go Barefoot at the Beach
Hobo to lifeguard: Yeah, I pooped here. Twice, actually. Once right there, and once right there.
–Pacifica, California
That Was Unexpected
Mother, to little boy refusing to wear swimmies: Fine, I guess you can go drown. Say bye bye to mommy. [Little boy breaks into hysterics.]
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Leigh
That’s Not What “Swimmers Will Be Penalized” Means, Bobby.
Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Britney and K‑Fed’s Baby Takes to the Water
Little boy, floating on his back: Look at me! I’m the slowest boat in life!
–Valley Falls, Vernon, Connecticut
Overheard by: your parents must be so proud
And There’s No Roof!
Amazed beachgoer, splashing in the waves: Holy shit! There are fish in the ocean!
–Seaside Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tess
