Skinny hipster in the river: Then why the fuck are we swimming here if I could lose my fucking dick?!
–Roanoke, Virginia
Overheard by: commodore
Archive for the ‘Swimming’ Category
Britney and K‑Fed’s Baby Takes to the Water
Little boy, floating on his back: Look at me! I’m the slowest boat in life!
–Valley Falls, Vernon, Connecticut
Overheard by: your parents must be so proud
And There’s No Roof!
Amazed beachgoer, splashing in the waves: Holy shit! There are fish in the ocean!
–Seaside Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tess
Leave Your Sister Alone, Honey — She Had a Hard Night
12-year-old girl: Mom! She’s throwing up pickles in the pool!
–Ixtapa, Mexico
It’s Natural to Be Afraid Of Giant, Mechanical Sharks
Random passer-by: Have you seen Shark Week? I’m not going in there!
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Anna
Australian Life, Encapsulated
Girl #1, in shade: Wanna go down to the water?
Girl #2: Sure!
Girl #2, in water: Wanna go back to the tree?
Girl #1: Yeah. I do.
–Sydney, Australia
Shark: Ralph, Do You Have to Play the Jaws Theme Non-Stop?
Middle aged tourist yelling frantically to children in the water: Get out, get out! There’s sharks!
Teenager with skimboard: Actually, those are a school of stingrays. They’re quite harmle…
Middle age mother, cutting him off: Shaaarks! Get out now!
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Jonica Grompson
An Overabundance of Sand and Sun, for One Thing
Long Island wife: Shawn! Shawn, you idiot, your son wants to come swimming with you!
Long Island husband: Did you just call me an idiot?
[A fight erupts and wife is so upset she starts packing.]Long Island husband: What are you doing? You said you wanted to go to the beach today!
Long Island wife: We’ve been to the beach, and the beach fucking sucks!
–West Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: sat near them on the plane going home two days later, too
Magnifying an Image by 100x Totally Counteracts the Effects Of Shrinkage
Chubby, bald man to female friends: They should really put mirrors on the beach, facing out towards the water, so you can watch yourself in the ocean… No, not mirrors, JumboTrons! I would love to watch myself on a giant tv while I swim!
–Kure Beach, North Carolina
According to My Big Book Of Ways to Make Kids Cry
Little kid to mom, as storm is coming: If thunder claps while you’re in the water, you’re gonna die!
–Pawley’s Island, South Carolina
Overheard by: Running for Cover
