Skinny drunk girl with dense philosophy textbook: I like peeing when necessary, I like peeing when unnecessary. Whenever, wherever. As long as I get arrested for it, that’s all I ask. Is that too much to ask?
–Jericho Beach, Vancouver, Canadia
Overheard by: Jericho
Guy holding small boy: Well, I don’t think it’s funny when you do things that you don’t do!
–Presque Isle, Erie, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
Little girl: Grandma, you’re old!
Grandma: How old do you think I am, sweetie?
Little girl: I dunno… like, 16, or something.
–Wilmington, North Carolina
Girl #1: And that’s when I realized that bisexual and aphrodite are the same thing!
Girl #2: You mean hermaphrodite?
Girl #1: Yeah!
Girl #2: You’re an idiot.
–Long Beach, New York
“Jews for Jesus” guy: You like Superman? Take this pamphlet. Read it with all your friends. It will be story time!
Hands out pamphlet that metaphorically describes Jesus as Superman.
Girl: I didn’t realize Jews worshipped Superman.
–Jones Beach, New York
Guy sharing Ferris wheel with family: Good thing they fixed this cart, it was broken yesterday.
Old lady: Have you ever been slapped by a complete stranger?
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: girl #1
Salty sea dog: And the new LED Christmas lights? They’ll never burn down your Christmas tree. You’ll have to do that yourself.
–Morro Bay, California
Overheard by: Colin
Ditzy college girl to friends, about seagulls on a dock: This might be stupid, but are those birds? They’re so evenly spaced!
–Lewiston, New York
Overheard by: Lauren
Tourist to lifeguard: Excuse me. Excuse me! When do they release the dolphins?
–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: Backnarootie
Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I’ve got a fucking five-year-old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!
–The Hamptons, New York
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
