Stoned girl: It’s really windy today. I wonder what it is on the Richter scale?
–Brighton Beach, United Kingdom
Overheard by: Chicken King
Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category
As Long As We Keep It Underwater, We Should Be Fine
Rich stoner: Are you sure the bonfire won’t light the sand on fire?
–The Hamptons, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: og pimp
Guess She Can Act, Too
Friend #1: You know who's really hot? Megan Fox.
Friend #2 (in nonchalant agreement): Yeah, she's really hot. (more excitedly) You know who else is hot?
Friend #1: Who?
Friend #2: That brunette chick from the Transformers movie–damn.
Friend #1: Megan Fox?
Friend #2: Oh.
–Guarujá, São Paulo, Brazil
I Thought Gulf Was a Gasoline
Teen #1: … And then I got, like, swept out into the Pacific! It was so scary!
Teen #2: Don’t you mean the Atlantic?
Teen #1: Oh, yeah.
Teen #3: You guys are retards. That’s the Gulf of Mexico!
Teens #1 and #2: Ohhh.
–St. Simons Island, Georgia
Overheard by: just out for a walk
You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…
Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Mary
I'm 97% Certain Richard Simmons Was Born by a Massive Gay Orgy
Meth-adict-looking girl: I was born by a massive gay orgy.
Friend: I wish I was born by something…
–Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Zach
I'm Also Vague on the Big Square States in the Middle Of the Country
Young dude with skateboard: Yeah, so I love it out here so far. This is my first year here, I just moved from New Hampshire.
Middle aged lady in short gym shorts: Oh, that's nice… Is that in Maine?
Dude: Uh… Well, it's by Maine…(motioning) Here's New Hampshire, here's Maine.
Lady: Oh, so New Hampshire's a state on its own? Oh my gosh, I feel like I should know that!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Vanessa
Then I'll Run for Vice-President of the United States
Chubby middle-aged woman to her male friend: First thing I'm going to do is lose a lot of weight, then I'm gonna get a chemical peel…
–Smith Point, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: geo
Dude, You Suck at "Yo Mama"
11-year-old Korean boy to 11-year-old Egyptian boy: You live in pyramid and you mummy!
–Christchurch, New Zealand
Overheard by: novalis
On the Production Line at the Catch Phrase Factory
Mom: Hey! Tell them the new teenager attitude sound.
Uncle: Pfft.
Girl #1: Yeah, that’s spelled P-F-F-T.
Girl #2: Doesn’t it have, like, an ‘H’ in it or something? Like P-H-F-F-T?
Uncle: You don’t even have to have the ‘T’ in it. You could definitely go without the ‘T.’
–Inverhuron, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: sun-fried brain