Girl: How do *you* know the spaceship isn't the entrance to my entertainment centre?
–Adelaide, Australia
Overheard by: T
Archive for the ‘Stupidity’ Category
The Ocean's Only for Crapping In
Teen girl #1: I can’t believe people pee in the ocean — it’s so gross.
Teen girl #2: I know, right!
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I only pee in swimming pools. It’s cleaner.
–Venice Beach, California
Overheard by: I prefer the toilet
I Adore When Cows Eat Me, Though.
Stoned surfer: I decided that I won't eat fish anymore, because if I don't eat them, they won't eat me.
–Long Beach Island, New Jersey
JAP Repellant 2K6
Girl: If I use cooking oil, do you think I’ll tan twice as fast?
Boy: No, but you’ll probably smell like bacon.
–Corolla, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: Mandy
How New Jersey Got Most of Its Population
Tourist: How do I get to the beach?
Local #1: Get on the 8 and go east.
Tourist: Thanks.
(tourist leaves)
Local #2: You're sending her east.
Local #1: Fuck her, she didn't say which beach.
–Pacific Beach, California
When Freckles Pop Up, It Means You're Done
Girl #1: I get so many freckles in the sun.
Girl #2: Yeah, I am so going to get cancer in 2 years. I have so much sun damage.
Girl #3: Um, actually freckles just mean that your skin is working.
–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jackie
But I Can Get by in English, As Long As They Speak Slowly
Canadian girl to Americans: Oh my god! You guys speak Canadian? We’ve been looking for other people who speak Canadian!
American guy: Yup, only Canadian. No American or English. Only Canadian.
Canadian girl: Awesome! Me, too!
–Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
So My Strategy is to Throw Money at It and Run Away as Fast as I Can
Walker #1: So I think I am going to train for the LA marathon.
Walker #2: Really? What’s the cause?
Walker #1: Well, it’s for AIDS. Not that I have AIDS, nor know anyone who does.
Walker #2: Yeah, well, we all know AIDS is bad.
–Olympic & La Cienega Park, Los Angeles, California
At Last, Texas Has Found Its Purpose in the US
Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.
–Laguna Beach, California
You Know the Rules
Skinny white guy: I think I need to go sit in the shade for a while.
Skinny less-white guy: What?! If you are going to talk crazy, I need you to be drunk.
–Will Rogers Beach, Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Panda