Suburban tourist #1: Remember that time when I threw the cat out in the snow and that guy was staring at me?
Suburban tourist #2: And then John got christened by the cat.
Suburban tourist #1: Yeah, I don't think that cat had peed in six months. It was like a fire hose.
Wife: That John and his temper…
–All Day Breakfast, Kennebunkport, Maine
Overheard by: Amused Locals
Parent: Joshua, no! Don’t touch the sand! No! No! No! Put it down! Joshua! Don’t touch the sand!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: gunky
Old lady: I think he's a delightful young man and so is she.
–Manteo, North Carolina
Overheard by: Sarah J.
A black man cuts in line ahead of two anorexic JAPs.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why are we here again?
Anorexic JAP #2: Ugh, I know! This would never happen back in Boca!
Black man: Eat something, you Jewish popsicles!
Anorexic JAP #1: Did he just ask us to give him a blowjob?
–Deerfield Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing
Woman to friends, as they decide where to set up: Let's look for a part of the beach that isn't so sandy, y'all!
–Kill Devil Hills, Outer Banks, North Carolina
Overheard by: R U Serious?
Tourist, about the tide: Where does all the water go?
–Ogunquit Beach, Ogunquit, Maine
Overheard by: C’mon
Old man to wife, in Russian: What sign are you?
Woman: I'm a fish.
Old man: Shark, son of a bitch.
–Hallandale Beach Boulevard, Florida
Overheard by: superemanuella
Teen girl: Do sea lions swim?
Mom: No, they ride boats.
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: just wanted to take a look at SEA LIONS
Little girl: If a pig spits in your eye, you'll get the flu.
–Takapuna Beach, Auckland, New Zealand
Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?
–Carolina Beach, North Carolina