Archive for the ‘STDs’ Category

A Blonde Twin

40-something guy: That must be like an all-you-can-eat salad bar of STDs!
60-something guy: She’s a twin.

–Pancake House, Redondo Beach, California

I’ve Tried Walking It Off Without Success

Guy on cell: I don’t know, it may just be the chlamydia talking, though.

–Destin, Florida

Parasiteseeing Is Why People Go to Jones Beach

Boy, about people stepping on crabs: Looks like I’m not the only one with crab problems.

–Jones Beach, New York

If Not As Much As Your Daughter.

Woman #1: How are you, Sam? I haven’t seen you forever.
Woman #2: We need to catch up more often. How are you?
Woman #1: Don’t even ask. Only a couple of weeks ago I realized I had crabs, and just yesterday I found out my daughter has herpes. (sighs)
Woman #2: The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. At least you’re getting some action.

–Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: Marissa

You’d Still Have a Hard Time Scoring

Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.

–San Francisco, California

Overheard by: so not PC

Aw, Don’t Get Sore at Her.

Guy: So I went to the party last night… and she gave me a BJ. Told you I was beast.
Friend: Well, she has herpes, so you should get tested.
Guy: That whore!

–Holden Beach, North Carolina

There’s No “U” in My Cunt, Pal

30-something Guido to pretty girl: Hey. I hear you’re looking for a stud. I’ve got the STD, all I need is “u.”

–Pacific Beach, California

Such a Small Area, So Many Problems

20-something girl #1, coming out of water: Oh my god! I got stage fright, I couldn’t go.
20-something girl #2: Oh, there’s Danielle!! (points down to beach)
20-something girl #1: As soon as she gets here we’re going back in, I have to pee so badly!
20-something girl #2: Hey, Danielle!
Danielle: Ohmigod, you guys! My herpes burns so badly!
(all three walks into water)

–Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Sweedie